Feeling Truly Beautiful

I wonder when I'll feel truly beautiful?
Not merely contented with what I've achieved physically,
When will I look in a mirror
and be stunned by what I see?

My goals for what I want to be change consistently,
First, I wanted to be skinny,
Now, I want muscle,
Constantly applauded for my gym hustle,

But, that goal is a struggle,
Because I'm so hard on myself,
And I can't afford the lifestyle
to turn that dream into reality.

I can't afford to be what I want to see. 
So, when can I look in the mirror and see myself living beautifully?
When will this body of mine not feel like a weight?
When will this acne dissipate?
When will I have the energy to do my hair?
And dress with some care?

As a female,
I doubt that I can ever come to find myself beautiful,
Especially not with the judgements and changes of society.

So, my question is:
How does any female come to find herself truly beautiful?
When does that turning point show its face?

Author's Note

This one is written with the topic: self-esteem or feeling truly beautiful.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is the third poem I've read this morning where a young woman has a tough time feeling "okay" about herself in one way or another. Your poem conveys not the mindset of one, presumably you. Your poem describes a trend that comes from advertising, which has a goal to make people feel WANT . . . to feel dissatisfied, to be painted as lacking . . . what must I buy to fix my woeful self? It makes me sad to see so many young people internalizing this message as not being good enuf. I suggest not looking at ads or other enticements to WANT & look at nature instead. We are all beautiful on the level of our own true nature. Beautiful poem, so palpable, so honest! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Tessa Melendez]

My desire to feel truly beautiful doesn't come from ads. I don't really pay much attention to them. There are things about myself that I wish to fix purely because there are women that I idolize in the fields of beauty that I pay more attention to. Every female as a woman or two that she wants to look something like. Some girls desire to be heavier set like some of the female celebrities that have come to the microphone to remind society that bigger women are beautiful if you find it in yourself to open your mind to that. I, on the other hand, idolize the gym ladies and have thusly found a medium in my mind that I wish to achieve for my physical form. Fashion is a different story entirely. My body fluctuates as a result of dieting balancing with my activity levels and forms. I'm working on figuring myself out while working to see if I can help others as well.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Because beauty stems from the inside, and one who writes like this is truly beautiful where it counts.
j.