My Toxicity

Precious boy,
Please tear my heart out,
Eat it if you will. 
Don't worry, another one will come about 
for the next one I want to give it to.
I suppose my tears are the route
of the rebirth,
Not long after, I'm ready to try to give my heart away,
Only to be amazed 
when nothing is given to fill the hole. 
But now,
How is my heart to revive
when there are fewer and fewer tears to be cried?

I guess I'm awake now. 
I push everyone away
even though I want someone to stay,
Someone to care,
But I don't put the effort in
because I feel like I'll be a huge pain if I dare,
I'm not worth the time,
The energy,

Nonetheless, I stay kind 
to every person who's crossed my mind,
No matter the wrongs,
No matter how long I've been strong,
I wish happiness for others,
Not myself.

This is my toxicity.

I apply my wisdom,
Gained through pain, 
With others, 
But I'll throw it away for me
because I remind myself that others should be innocent until proven guilty,
Given second chances after the removal of the stain,
But I'll always be burned,
Never at peace unless both feet are in my brain.

Even so,
I want my slice of peace,
Stop feeling the genocide of feelings within my chest,
To feel at ease,
But it's not to be. 
Maybe this is the weight of my wisdom
crushing my chest?
Maybe that's why my heart is never at its best.

Author's Note

I don't feel that this one is that great but at the same time it's okay. Didn't quite write what I planned to, but it's something along those lines.