Heartless

An ex of mine had come to this point once

Where someone had hurt him...

And...he'd never let it happen again

I think I've reached this same point

Only, I've been hurt much more than once

Honestly, there are times where I wonder how I lived

My heart's been used as a punching bag

Taking countless kicks and punches again and again

So many taking their turn

Over the years,

Through infinite tears

It was as though I could feel each hit again and again

Feel every purple bruise

Feel every bleeding gash

Every one made in a mad dash

And my words were of no use

Every bruise took its time healing each year

Every bleeding gash slowly healed into an ugly scar

Marring my good and beautiful heart

But now...

Every bruise is gone

Now, the scars line my arms more than my heart

Such a beautiful yet terrifying art

Each new hit causes less pain

Yet some still cause blood to flow

There is never enough damage done

But the pain no longer brings me to tears

Those rivers dried up months ago

Now, when I feel that tears will come

When I feel that pain in my heart

I take the blade to my arms

And nothing but blood flows

And instead of waking with a hollow feeling and dried tear tracks

I find myself with new read stripes

Stripes I wear proudly

Stripes that become beautiful scars

Some tell me to find a new way to let the pain go,

Some tell me they are sorry I am so alone,

They're sorry I must do this,

But it no longer matters

My heart is in tatters

Such words will not fill the hole in my chest

I gave my best

They will never understand why I turn to the blade so fast

They don't understand what it's like to be torn apart

What it's like to hold one's tongue every day

Holding countless words at bay

None of this pain could ever be left in the past

Never to drown fast

Many won't understand how Life and Love have destroyed me

How so many in my life have beaten me down to this point

I've reached this point where all the bullshit just doesn't matter anymore

Where all I have are my music, my blade, and my scars

The pain echoes around in my chest

Barely hurting anymore

Just like how some words don't seem to touch me

I guess I've finally gone cold

Author's Note

Wrote this a little while ago. I know it could probably use some work. Constructive criticism is much welcomed. Just been going through a lot of feels lately....