Chapter One- Dear Alexander

My first chapter! Hurrah!

Dear Alexander,

Hello. My name is Kelsey Anne Drews. You know me from work, but you do not know I secretley love the heck out of you. I read in the paper what happened to you, and I do not know how long I sat there, on a bench, in public, sobbing. A few people asked if I were your wife, and I simply replied 'I wish.' I do wish that Alexander, I do. so much. You were my miracle in life. I believed you would fall for me, just the way I fell for you. You would scoop me up in your arms and confess how much you need me, and we'd live  Happily Ever After, just like the fairytales. That didn't happen Alexander. You passed away. War is a mistake Alexander. Alexander,Alexander,Alexander. Your name makes my heart skip a beat. If I ever have a son his name will be Alexander Juniour Drews. Hopefully the Papa won't mind. My telephone is ringing. It must be work. I have not shown up ever since that terrible day, when you left my life. I need to tell them I'm sick.

-Your's forever, Kelsey Anne Drews. 3:34 PM, August Fourteenth, 2009.

Author's Note

I'm happy to see the reviews!

Reviews

[The Lit Wit]

The idea is a quite unique and interesting take on love and death.
I enjoy how she confesses herself to a dead man through the letter as if he will reply. There were a few concerns I can see in this piece, mainly due to voice, depth, sentence strength and a few other small details.

Depth:
First I thought it was quite underdeveloped for a first chapter. It raised questions to keep the reader wanting more, but didn't give a whole lot of information as to setting, or the protagonist. Is the whole novel written in letters/epistolary? Maybe make this chapter as a prologue?

The plot raised some questions and set a back-story, but I'm wondering about what she doesn't tell the reader. I'm wondering if there's a twist to this, that maybe someone picks up her letters and replies to them? Maybe there's a man she knows but doesn't really notice but he has a crush on her?

Voice:
Her voice seemed to have a crisp diction, but she sounded a bit lifeless or flat to me. For example, when she simply says "Hello" as her opening line in the letter I see that you're trying to write realistically, but this word could be left out. Real voices and letters in fiction aren't realistic so much as they sound real, but it's absolutely scripted. I mean that it has the illusion of real speech and thought, but doesn't hold true to most conversation. For example, everyone changes subject randomly from, "You will so not believe what I heard about Marcy last week. Oh, I forgot to get socks-hold on, I'll tell you later." But if you put this in a story, it sounds fake and awkward. It reminds the reader they're reading a book and not living in the story.

Maybe instead of, "Hello. My name is Kelsey Anne Drews." You could re-word this to, "I had to read it in the paper. Your death, I mean. You never really knew me, but my name is Kelsey Anne Drews."

Sentences:
You wrote this letter in present tense at first, then you switched without warning to past. I'm thinking you should stay with past tense over present, as it's much better for a novel, even in letters.
Present: You wrote, "You know me from work, but you do not know I secretley love the heck out of you." (know is present tense, something happening right now. Eg. The cat walks slowly.)
Past: You wrote, "You were my miracle in life.." (were makes this in past tense, as in an event that has happened. Eg. The cat walked slowly.)
Few Deatails:
Just a tip, but avoid passive words like: was, were, is, has, am, are, there�and so on.
Good job though!
Am looking forward to next chapters, so good luck!
~Melinda

[Hi]

This is going to be a really nice romance story and i know it...

[Elanra]

ohh the first work of you i read, and u already brought tears in my eyes...baaah, i like happy endings!! but of course that doesnt mean i disliked ur chapter. i want to see the rest. and i want it quick!!! *crazy look*

nice expressing... and the way its like a letter, i loved it.

well done ^_^

[Sketch]

Even though its not a very "happy" idea, it sounds very cute in some way. I'm interested to see where you take this. =) More chapters please.