Manifest of Triumph

A Momentary Reflection on Current Moments

If I am your tool, why is it that I feel still in the drawer
I'm waiting for you to slide it open
I'm waiting for a crack of light
I'm just struggling in the darkness,
Dreaming of hopes and fears
Plagued with the thought that nothing matters
And in the end, everything will be made right

I'm listening to my heart now
Something that I've ignored for a long time
Coincidence, numerology, astrology, predictions
The same story is repeated throughout time
We all wish to know our destiny
But nothing can be written in stone
It depends upon the choices; It is our power

I look to words for comfort
I look to actors for distractions
But everything reminds me of a single moment
The crash and vibration shattered a soul
My soul, my being, my faith, my love
In desperation I asked for an answer
And what I was given just made me more desperate

My life feels wasted
I can feel the pain of every passing second
I draw closer to my death and further from my birth
I can barely remember that which I told myself never to forget
And I have worked hard to fog the memories
I have slaved to destroy every bit of my spirituality
Because acceptance is the invitation to madness

And were I to go insane here, in this single moment
And churn forth everything I have wished for
Would the result be satisfying?
How would I handle the disappointment
If everything were normal and plain
And the world really was cold and separate
I do not believe I could survive

That fear is my greatest weakness
The fear that nothing I believe is true
And the doubt others cast upon me shattered a soul
Nobody will ever trust me again
And I have to accept that fact with stern resolution
To be strong and face the world
And say the story I have always desired

Is my desire made of selfishness
Is this the narcissism I have always embodied
Would I change it, would I change myself
Would I alter my fate if I knew its outcome?
The answer is altogether frightening
I would accept my purpose with pride
Just to know that there was a purpose to begin with

This is the birth of supernova
The critical mass of the universe on a needlepoint
My universe, my needle, and my eruption
My blood runs thin and cold tonight
Poetry and Pendulums, I say
Possibility and Perfection, I am reminded
And my world will be alright.

Author's Note

I debated for quite a long time whether or not to post this one - it was actually written at the same time as "Manifest of Terror." This means so much more to me than it can to any viewer outside of my head, and as such I wasn't sure it would have any impact I cared to do - usually I do not post things of this nature because I feel without the context of knowing my motivations it's hard for the piece to stand alone. But this one straddles that a bit - and I think perhaps it will be able to freely stand without explanation as to my motivations for writing it.

Reviews

[Me]

An imaginative write and an engaging read.

[...]

. i am simply amazed at these words ... i so agree with _mal's review ... i cannot begin to tell you how much i can relate to them ... i feel like you've expressed something that i have been struggling to express ... this is inspiring beyond measure ... i am able to decipher my journey so much better after reading your words ... and the last two stanzas are indeed ... so powerful ... and so meaningful ... and so resilient ... simply unbelievable ... and yet so believable ...

[_mal]

To be honest I really really appreciate this. It's real and it's intense and even though it's for you I bet it means something to every other person that reads it. The last two stanzas were my favorites.