Sinner Repentant

Take control of yourself, nothing else will.

I'm waiting to sin.
I'm chuckling to myself softly about the irony of my cowardice.
Here I am flirting with a life I do not want in the deepest feelings of my heart;
I've wrapped my arms around the distraction
So I can snarl directly to god's face,
"You want me to be great?
You want me to follow my conscience?
F**k you, dad.
This is how easy it is to forget."
And I know the threats are hollow and fragile
Words spewed out like globes of blown sugar
With delicate paper-thin sides floating in the arms of the wind to caress the clouds.
But my hands are still sticky from the consideration
Of the acceptance of my capitulation
And it's harder than I'm willing to admit to myself
How easy forgetting my human duty is
When comfort keeps sticking to my palms.
And as I dare the power of god to reveal itself
Wishing to bleed in symbolic stigmata
I'm struck by the irony of my courage
And know that the penance of pain will not come from god,
That the wounds I will bleed from will not be delivered by supernatural deity,
But will come from myself
As I tear skin away removing comfort from my palms
And embrace the duty of conscience
With echoing words muttered endlessly to remind me
How waiting is the greatest sin of all,
And I must save myself.

Author's Note

Part of a set of four. Declaration, Risen, Sinner Repentant and Temptation.