Chapter 24, Water Is My Friend

            The water ran down my face while the steam rose from the bottom of the floor pressing the cold air down. My eyes were closed. I saw vague images of the dream I had, the pink dress she had on, the horse she rode on, the figure sliding down the horse �" dead �" and then the person that wanted to... “It was me,” my eyes opened abruptly; the water still hitting them but I couldn’t care less than that moment. I turned the water down to just a cold sprinkle of fine spray. I closed my eyes again and saw nothing but a shade of black. Nothing mattered anymore.

            As I stood in front of the mirror looking at my reflection looking back at me, half in shock with the other person what clearly wasn’t me, I felt I needed to talk to someone. I needed to get the s**t out of my life and get rid of the feelings eating me from the inside like a parasite feeding on my guts!

The familiar song of Windows shutting on filled the room. I barely heard it with all the things filing through my head at that moment. It’s on!”

BrightSunlight was the name standing out on the screen when I clicked on it.

 

Teenageloser: Hi!

Smileyface002: Hey

Teenageloser: would you like to talk a bit?

Smileyface002: honey would I have been sitting here if I didn’t want to talk?

Teenageloser: okey. True

Smileyface002: honey r u going to cut the chase and begin? Or shuld I try and find another guy?

 

I looked at the screen with hesitation. The last time I did this my mother almost caught me.

 

Teenageloser: I slowly undress you with my hands and look at you…

Smileyface002: Perv! Get a life

Smileyface002 went offline

 

Maybe she was right. Maybe I was a pervert, or a psychopath. Life had the funny turns in and I was just off the whole freaking path.

            I climbed back into bed to try and get some sleep. The familiar black shading brought comfort to me and I dozed off.

 

            “Get up. I need to do shopping,” the voice of my mom woke me from a dream I couldn’t remember but I knew it was a great dream, I could feel it in my little tone. I felt irritated that my mom woke me 7 am to do shopping when the shops only open at 9, but on the other side I felt good; better than most mornings.

“Why do you need me to help you?”

“I don’t trust you alone, so get up and just put something over your boxers and come.”

“But...”

“No but’s! Get out and let us go. We need to get you some new shoes and I need to buy food to fill the house. I also need some new shampoo and liquorish! I need to buy liquorish. And washing powder...” she walked out of the room still talking to herself. It made me laugh; in some kind of freaky way I loved her but just a little.

            “Why do we always need to go with mom’s car? Dad’s is so much better,” I said when we failed for the second time starting the engine.

“You know I don’t like that car, your dad... I need to buy onions as well!” she said, avoiding about talking about my dad. I didn’t talk again after that. I didn’t want to open unwanted wounds. I saw a small sparkle of a tear in her eye when the sun finally showed itself.

            I yearned to talk to someone about the happenings in the year. And my dad... I missed him so much now that I needed him. I hated that God took him ‘home’ if he went to heaven. I just wanted him here with us, to have a family and to have my mom normal again. I have never felt so empty that today, the day that I woke and felt everything was shining like the sun. Shows you the horrors that can happen in ten minutes of your life when you are empty; life is just a bunch of lies that tried to keep you away from realising the truth. It hurts.