Spreading My Wings

The world can corupt a soul, even the ones closest to us...!

Tonight is the last night
your eyes are full of tears
your face unrecognisable
the sickness
is in you, breaking
the bonds that keep you together
black poison
fills the veins of your
minute body
your eyes close
producing a stream of tears
I turn my back on you:
this isn't you.
Black poison polluted
the body of an innocent girl
I feel the anguish, I feel the remorse
but you are dead, stolen by this world
My hands move away from you
leaving your side
I walk away, to never
see your face again
I shed a tear, falling to the ground
and shatters into thousands of
memories gone forever
My eye close
as I walk away from you.
Her wings grow full
her eyes turn black
the black feathers rip
through the clothes
and she flies away...

Author's Note

I dont know, I feel little weird about this one. Does it have potential? Is it that bad? To get the feeling? I wanted to try something else for a change...

Reviews

[Bluefire]

Love it!

[Dominique]

It has a bit of potential. I liked it.

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

I really really like this. Especially this part here:
"I turn my back on you:
this isn't you.
Black poison polluted
the body of an innocent girl"
Very nice.

[alegria]

superb write..was very touchin n nice:)) keep writin..loved it..:))

[WritersSoul]

This is cool! I love angel stuff, fantasy sorta thing, and you did a great job :) I real this aloud for some reason and it sounded really good :)
Beth :3

[Lily Mae]

Oooh I like the "black feathers rip through the clothes and she flies away." Excellent..xo

[Scytheriax]

Again, I absolutely loved the ending.
I agree with Rae Avans review. This definitely has a lot of potential.
I love the diction in this piece and the emotion is perfect.
Love your use of metaphor, as well.

[Raya Avans]

Potential? most defiantly. You try something new, and who would have guessed you would succeed? Wonderful!

~ rae

[J. J. Nightingale]

FIND STRENGTH IN WRITING .. RISE UP AND SHOUT WITH INK .. THE DARK IS VERY TELLING .. DON'T LET IT HOLD YOU, FOR IT'S KEEP ...

I ALWAYS LIKE DARK INK ... COOL ! .. JASMINE

[joshua deathdealer]

I love the reason for this write and I like the twist at end!! Dark stuff.