College

The dust is everywhere and looking at it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel the mess is pulling me down, deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper... I have nowhere else to go anymore. I take a nap to relieve myself of the anxiety felt about the situation but I wake up in four hours time only to discover nothing has changed. To the kitchen it is. Wait. Somebody is in the kitchen. Must avoid confrontation. Pretend to sleep some more. Realize that I have to urinate. Looks like I am in a sticky situation. It is only a matter of time that I must leave the comfort of the bed, face the harsh reality of this world and communicate. Half an hour passes by. I can't hold it in any longer so I leave the bed, toss the blankets aside, and walk. The task isn't as bad as I had expected but I feel sick again. I feel  so sick. Always sick. It seems to never end. I lost my appetite the other day as I ate my pita crackers and realized there was a dead bug inside of it. Thinking about it sends me head spinning just like the dust on top of the television. Just like the dirty clothing on the floor. Just like the cat urine on the bathroom tile. 

I'm patiently waiting for the day where I have my nervous breakdown and do something crazy like rob someone of their dignity. I get manic thoughts sometimes and that distresses me just as much as the dust. That dust. 

Last night I couldn't sleep. Tossed and turned all night I did. Too much caffeine makes my nerves jittery. It was one of those days where I jumped at the sight of shadows from the corner of my eye. I would suddenly jolt when a seemingly loud noise popped up out of the blue. The only thing was that it wasn't such a loud noise after all, it was just the music from my headphones.

People tell me I am not crazy, but I feel crazy. 

I am not crazy.

I am crazy.

I am not crazy.

I am crazy. 

Just stop drinking caffeine.

Then you will go back to normal.

How about some drugs?

No.

How about some alcohol?

Tried it.

Nothing. 

Can't make up my mind about a single thing. 

Anyway, enough about me why don't you tell me about yourself. 

I sent grandma to the grave.

But not really.

She was just old.

I cried so bad.

But why?

I have emotions which rules out the chances of me being a serial killer I guess.

It's time to set the clock backwards. This whole time change is driving me nuts. I don't like thinking about time. I prefer not to know what time it is really. I wish there was no time and we could look at shadows instead. That way I wouldn't be surrounded by it, thinking of quantum physics and Einstein all the while. Just pick up the phone. Too stubborn to pick up the phone.

I am going to take every single piece apart one by one. 

I want to find what's inside of my heart. I need to know what is dragging me down. Too many problems that Valium can't solve and lord knows I love me some Valium. I wish I could take it every single day. I wish I could sleep forever. Not dead. Just sleeping. Waking up at three in the morning was not cutting it for me.

I think it's time for a new day. 

Reviews

[Chris]

After the first paragraph - good story and flow... taste of manic, hint toward depression. The language of the first paragraph is "off". The second sentence - "I feel the mess is a pulling ..." - "a"? and further on...

Wanting the self-dialogue to fit the character is important AND necessary but you need to "listen" while your mind supplies the accent. age, and learning level, as well as pay attention to the target audience.

This could be expaned easily into something with a bit more "teeth" or "Bite".

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

I adore your highly descriptive rate of wording, well done, good read.

[Lulu]

Nice! Descriptive! JKeep up the good work!

[Steve]

Damn. College is rougher than I remember it being.

[Wolfwind]

You bring forward a myriad of visuals that stick in the head and a flow of thoughts that spin like a bottle in a storm. Your words makes one drink the experience and ponder deeply. Much enjoyed!

Aaron