Cherry Blossoms

Eva gets settled into her new life at the Bellefleur Mansion. (young adult) (Vampire)

We walked straight up the staircase and headed to the right until the girl opened one of the doors. “ The room to the left is Sir Lorn's room.” We walked in and I looked around. It was a fairly large sized room decorated in the same color red as downstairs. The bed was in the middle of the room against the wall and had a dark red comforter and pillows. The girl showed me the closet which was to the left of the bed and the bathroom which was to the right. “Just stay in here until Sir Lorn comes for you.” As she turned I grabbed her arm lightly. “Wait what exactly am I here for?” The girl looked at me and I could feel the hesitation. “Just wait for Sir Lorn to come, trust me that you're not in such a bad position.” She turned again and headed for the door. Click

I stood there for a moment not knowing what to do. I looked to my left and saw a large desk and walk over to it. It was beautiful, made of dark wood. I swept my hand slowly across it, it was smooth. I walked over to the window and grabbed the curtain, pulling it to the side. Looking out the window I saw another part of the garden. There was a bench and white bricks formed a walkway through the yard. I dropped the curtain and walked towards the closet. It creaked as I twisted the knob opening the door and I stepped inside. It was fairly large and empty, except for one dress hanging by itself. I grabbed it with both hands to take a better look at it. It was quite beautiful. It was a crimson red that glittered in the light. It was short, coming down mid thigh. There were thin straps for the shoulders, making it look elegant. I marveled at it like any girl would until - “Do you like it?” I gasped, letting go of the dress. 

Lorn was standing outside of the closet door, staring at me. “Um...yeah it's beautiful.” I said, diverting my gaze. “Do you want to know why you're here?” I looked at him and nodded. “My mother, and I suppose my father as well thought it a good idea that we should each have our own human.” I stared at him for a moment. “A human for what exactly?” “For whatever we wish.” “So I'm like your pet?” I retorted. He chuckled. “Precisely.” I folded my arms across my chest and narrowed my eyes at him. “Don't be so strongheaded. Although, that is why I picked you.” The corner of his mouth lifted slightly in a smirk. “Well what would you have me do SIR?” I scoffed. He smiled again. “Put that dress on.” I looked at the dress and back at him. “Well are you going to just stand there or are you going to have some decency to leave the room?” “I give you my pardon.” He said but I could see playfulness in his eyes as he said it. He left the room and shut the door. 

 I grabbed the dress angrily and tossed it on the bed. I undressed, folding my clothes and placing them in a pile at the corner of the bed. I took the dress off the hanger and slipped into it. I pulled each side over my shoulder and felt for the zipper at my lower back. I zipped it up but only halfway. Tossing my long straight black hair to the side I tried reaching over my shoulder to grab the zipper but I couldn't reach it. Damn it. I headed for the door and opened it, peaking from left to right. “Where are those maids when you need them.” I thought. I stepped out of the room and headed down the hallway looking for a maid. I headed downstairs grabbing the wooded hand rail for stability. I wandered around and ended up in the kitchen. Sigh 

“What are you doing down here?” I heard a stern voice call. I turned around in surprise and one of the brothers was standing there. “I was trying to find a maid to help me.” “Help you with what?” “The zipper on my dress, I can't pull it up all the way.” “Well that's too bad isn't it. Why didn't you go to Lorn?” I stood there not knowing what I should say. I hated the vampires but I shouldn't say that right out now that I was stuck in this mansion. “Do you have problems speaking human?” I got angry. “No I just don't like you or Lorn or any vampire for that matter.” “Oh, is that so? You should watch your tongue while your in this house. Know who you're talking to. You are a human. You are beneath us and always will be.” He grinned. “If you'll excuse me.” I walked passed him. He grabbed my shoulder stopping me. “Hold on.” He grabbed a handful of my hair and tossed it gently aside. Slowly he zipped up my zipper while holding my waist and whispered into my ear. “There, all you have to do is ask for what your lowly self can't handle on your own.” His hand dropped from my waist and he walked off. I let out the breathe I was holding and stood there for a moment in anger. Finally catching my breathe I headed up the stairs. 

xAs I walked passed Lorn's room I stopped. I didn't know what to do. Was I suppose to go to him after dressing? I didn't want to but I knew I wouldn't get out of this predicament I was in. I knocked on his door. He opened it and motioned with his hand to come in. I entered as he shut the door behind me. He walked over to me, lightly grabbing a chunk of my hair. “Jet black hair down to the waist.” He said as he ran his fingers through my hair. “Light blue eyes and small features.” He took a step closer. “You humans are fascinating.” “You don't understand us at all.” I said in a spiteful tone. “Hmmmm?” He smiled. “Is that so?” I scowled. He grabbed my chin lightly pushing my face to meet his. “Accompany me to the gardens.” He headed for the door and I followed him apprehensively. We walked down the staircase and as we did we passed the vampire who I met in the kitchen. “Vorr where are you headed off to?” “I'm getting my human. There are a lot of chores to be done around here and I just love to see her scamper around.” He laughed. “Where are you going with yours?” Vorr asked. “To the garden.” “Oh to do work?” “No, to accompany me.” Vorr sighed. “You're a bore. She's a human, don't forget. You can use her as you wish.” “And I wish for her to accompany me to the garden. She is not yours, so what's the problem.” He gritted. Vorr put his hands up in defense. “Fine, fine it's just I'd hate to see you waste your present.” He smirked at me. “Okay brother.” He said as he walked passed him. I hurried by with Vorr's eyes still following me and we headed out the door.

We walked across the white brick pavement and headed around the house past the fountain I had seen when I first arrived. We ended up near the benches I had seen out of my window and he sat down. He had been holding something in his hands and I watched as he opened the large notepad to an empty page. He took a pencil out of his pocket and looked around the garden for a bit. He stood up. Lie next to that cherry blossom tree. I looked to my left and close by was a beautifully small, light pink blossoming tree. I walked over to it and sat down on my knees, then crawled next to it putting my weight on my left shoulder. “Put your hands against the tree. Your left one a little higher and lie your head against your left hand.” I did as he said. “Stay like that.” He began drawing in his book looking back and forth at me and the page. “I didn't know vampires liked to draw.” He didn't say anything for a moment. “Well then you don't know a lot about vampires.” I thought about it for a moment. “I do know one thing.” “And what is that?” “That you kill us for sport and treat us like were animals.” There was a long break in between our conversation. “You are our sustenance. How did you treat your food? In the end you are lower on the food chain than us.” “But you don't have to kill us. The only thing you need from us is blood. Other than that how are we any different?” I yelled. “It's in our blood to hunt our prey, that is why we kill. What would you say would be the solution?” “You could take blood from a few humans when you needed it and not kill them.” He laughed. “How boring. That would not satisfy a vampires desire.” I sighed, looking off into the distance. It was beautiful outside, but my heart was as dark as it ever was.

Author's Note

Any. thanks!

Reviews

[melanie]

HI teanami--just want to let you know before I begin I do not know much about vampires, have not read much at all, so bear with me if I show my ignorance of their world.

The action in the beginning is very enticing: the runners, the tunnels, the footsteps. Eva knows she is stuck, and I wonder what she is feeling: is she frightened? Does she have any idea what happens to humans who are picked up by the vampires? Is she sweaty, her heart racing, her brain going in a hundred directions? Have they been running long?

The vampires who pick her up are also intriguing. They are hostile, of course, and seem to have the upper hand in this world. What do they look like to Eva: are they larger than her? What are they wearing? Cloaks and gloves? Jeans and tee shirts? And what do they smell like? Are they more like humans still in their development or really different looking? (again, this may be my ignorance)

When she gets into the truck, there are other people there with her. When I go back to page one, all the comments I leave here are erased, so I am going to work from memory. Who are the other humans in the truck? Old, young, children, all teens? Is the truck dark inside? What does it sound like when they close the doors and begin to drive away? Does Eva have the sense she will never see her friends again? Does she express this in any way--crying? wondering where they are, how they are? Are there windows in the truck, or is it a dark, smelly panel van with no windows?

Her ankle: is there something else that could happen that would make her incapable of running from the vampires? I ask this because I am conscious of her ankle throughout the story. She does a LOT of walking in the mansion and on the grounds. That ankle is not going to allow her to do that--know what I mean? Like going up and down steps with a busted ankle, especially if it's sprained (which is even more painful than a break) is going to be impossible for her. Or, is there something the vampire can "do" to repair her ankle? If not, brainstorm on this with someone. as the reader, I am thinking about her ankle every time there is a scene change, and unless you want me as the reader to be wondering about all that, give me a different injury. For example, when she falls she could knock the wind out of herself which would make it impossible to move but totally recover-able. Or even that she faints for some reason--fear? hits her head? I hope this makes sense!

I really want to know more about this house: the name of it is intriguing. Is it light or dark? Does it smell musty or pleasant? Is is clean? I have a good sense of the furniture, I just want more for my other senses. Like, is she wearing shoes, and if not what does the rug/floor feel like? Ah, are there pictures on the walls of family members who had lived there before? Humans? Or is it stripped bare of all personal things like photos and knick-knacks. I just wonder if it is more human or more sterile. Like, cold and impersonal? Did you tell me about the curtains/drapes keeping light out or open and letting light in? Again I can't go back to page one and check.

Standing in that room would terrify me: does Eva have any idea what happens to people when the vampires pick them up? Or is this an isolated incident and just human "gifts" for this family? Does she know if she is going to live or die? If this vampire is going to rape her, kill her? I'd be standing there afraid to breathe? What is she feeling? I love that she stares him in the face: that tells me a LOT about her I that I wanted to know: does she have fight in her? Spunk that is going to help get her out of the predicament, or at least fight it?

But I don't have the sense that she is afraid--like how easily she leaves and looks for someone to help her zip up her dress? Or when she is walking outside with Lorn, she is silent.

The scene in the garden is great--it is the first time I get to see them interact and begin to get a sense that they might fall in love? I want to know more about his looks when they are outside. How does he look when he is sketching her? Adoring? Almost human? Are his fingers long and graceful or short and dirty? Is he wearing a jacket or a sweatshirt? I love it when they talk!!

Wow, I think you can tell from how much I wrote that you have something good started here! Build on it as you go: try looking again at the first few paragraphs and give the reader a little more: more of the smells, of her thoughts and fears being left by her friends, more of the sky, more of the smell when the vampire comes up to her. Make me crawl inside of her body so that I am totally invested in her coming out of this alive. For example, I am already feeling drawn to Lorn because you have shown me this soft side of him when he is sketching.

And take care of the ankle thing--she won't be able to do all you are asking her to do in real physical pain unless maybe it is a broken rib, but even then a lot of the things she does would be really, really painful. Brainstorm and come up with something better.

It always feels good to me when a reader says "keep going" so I'll say that to you--keep going!