How I love you.

Sometimes, you look at me, you smile, and you tell me you love me; one hand on my waist, the other one gently resting on my cheek, your eyes wide open, your body so close to mine I can feel your heart opening, I can feel the air getting stuck in your lungs like when you’re waiting for an answer, so close I can feel your lips shaking, you want to say something, but you won’t. I tell you I love you, after over thinking it, after a meticulous recap of every kiss, every look, every long afternoon walk; I tell you I love you.

Truth is, I love you so much words can’t hold it; so much eight letters will never be able to explain it. I ‘want to see you smile every day’ love you; I ‘like the way your hair looks in the morning’ love you; I ‘can’t stand the way you breathe in my ear, but I’ll let you do it anyway’ love you; I… ‘will laugh at all of your jokes’ love you; I ‘am going to watch that movie I hate with you’ love you.

And I ‘f*****g want to fix you’ love you. I ‘wish I could bring her back’ love you. I ‘don’t ever want to see you cry again’ love you. I ‘am doing my best to make you happy’ love you. And I’ll always do, ‘cause there’s something there, in the way you look at me, the way you smile, the way you hold my waist, the way you caress my cheek, the way you just let your heart open up, exposing every inch inside of you through those eyes, and you tell me you love me, so simple, so honest, I envy the way you manage to put yourself in a three word phrase that gets my mind going so fast I can’t even remember how to say them.

 And then I cry. And you take my face between both of your hands, and you meet your nose with mine, close your eyes just like I do, and beg me not to cry, you promise everything’s going to be fine, and once again you tell me you love me, and you mean it, you work your a*s out to get a smile from me, and you know it won’t work, but you still try; you hold me, even closer to you now than before, our heartbeats meet, I burry my face in your chest and cry just a little bit more, you kiss the crown of my head and wait, you believe I’m worth the wait. When I’m ready, I look up, and before our lips meet, your eyes catch mine and silently say: I ‘will hold you when you’re falling’ love you.