How NOT to Get Your A*s to the Market°

A miller, with his son in tow,

Was taking their a*s to the market to seek

A buyer for the animal.

They needed the money, for times were bleak.

 

Soon they encountered a group of girls

Who giggled and laughed and starting chiding

The two, by saying, "You are fools.

Why are you walking when you could be riding?"

 

And so the miller made the boy

Mount the a*s while he walked.

After some time, they ran across

A group of friends and stopped and talked.

 

"You'll spoil your son," the friends remarked,

"By letting him ride while you trudge along.

You should ride and let him get

Some exercise to make him strong."

 

Therefore, the miller exchanged places

With his son and rode on the a*s.

Soon a party of women and children

Approached the miller and son en masse.

 

"What a selfish old man!" they said.

"He rides in comfort while his kid

Must plod along behind him. Hmmm.

Has the old guy flipped his lid?"

 

So then the miller told the lad

To sit behind him. After a while

They ran into some travelers whom

They'd seen approaching the last quarter mile.

 

"Is that your a*s," they asked, "or is it

One that you have merely rented?"

"It's mine to take to the market to sell,"

The miller said, slightly tormented.

 

The others replied, "The animal

Will be so tired when you get to town

That no one will even look at it.

If you were smart, you'd both get down."

 

The two climbed off the a*s's back.

To minimize damage control,

They tied the a*s's hooves together,

And through its legs they slid a pole.

 

And so they carried the a*s who hung

Upside down from the pole. The sight

Had to be insanely bizarre.

And you and I know that asses aren't light.

 

Onward to town they continued.

When the villagers saw them come near,

The scene was so ridiculous

That all they could do was laugh and jeer.

 

They had to cross a wooden bridge,

The miller and son--still market bound.

All of a sudden the a*s broke its ties

And fell into the river and drowned.

 

The miller stood there stunned and ashamed.

He said to his weary son, "Let's go.

Why we listened to all those people

And all their advice, I don't know."

 

On their way home, he said to the boy,

"I hope you learned a lesson, my son.

And that is when you try to please all,

You will end up pleasing none."

 

-by Bob B (8-12-21)

 

°An Aesop fable, "The Miller, His Son, and Their A*s," retold here in verse