Herman, the Fussbudget Cat

Herman is known as a fussbudget cat.

When you observe him, right off the bat

You cannot help but notice that

He's ALWAYS sulky and cross.

He doesn't like to be nagged or disturbed.

His grouchy behavior cannot be curbed.

He is the kind who is always perturbed

If HE can't be the boss.

 

He likes being pampered if you obey

His orders, which means he MUST have his way.

He wants what he wants and expects no delay.

You've got to follow his rules.

He thinks that you are wrong and misguided

Unless your attention remains undivided.

People must do what he has decided;

They merely serve as his tools.

 

Sometimes you'll find him on top of a heap

Of clothes from the dryer, trying to sleep,

And lying there without making a peep.

If so, leave him alone.

For if you move him, boy will he howl,

Chatter and scold you and let out a yowl,

And let the world know that something's afoul,

With rage and fury full-blown.

 

If he's asleep on your favorite chair,

You MIGHT try to move him (though I wouldn't dare),

For if you do, you'd better beware.

He's not going to be happy.

His response will be very clear,

Far from subtle, and rather severe--

The very last thing that you'd want to hear.

And don't ask why he's so snappy.

 

At dinnertime, finding a meal

For Herman becomes a daily ordeal.

It can't be beef or tuna or eel,

Too wet, too soft or too hard.

It can't be greasy, slimy, too cold,

It can't be too fresh, nor can it be old,

And heaven forbid if the flavor's too bold.

Oh, and he also hates lard.

 

His cat box needs a daily cleaning.

Not to do so is very demeaning,

For Herman depends on careful preening

And asks, What about you?

Would you want to continue to go

In a toilet without flushing it? NO!

You can thus see why he's fussy, and so

You know the right thing to do.

 

Despite the bothered look on his face,

He wants to assist the human race

By letting us know that just in case

He can be of service.

Herman can catch a mouse in a flash,

Keep other critters away from the trash,

And scare away bugs when you open the sash,

Though rats can make him nervous.

 

If Herman's so owly, you might wonder why

People still love the obstreperous guy.

Well, there are times when he'll honestly try

To be a likable fellow.

He'll calmly lie on your lap and contently

Purr when you pet him ever so gently

And kiss your hand, which consequently

Proves he can sometimes be mellow.

 

-by Bob B (2-19-20)