Pink Icecream

www.thirdpersonwar.com

Timmy and Johny were sitting in the cafeteria. They were eating pink ice cream. It tasted much better than mushy rice.

“So you saw your brother?” Johny asked.

“Yes.”

Johny nodded. “It’s because you are afraid to kill.”

“How do you know?”

“I see my brother’s face every time. I’m terrified when I take a person’s life.”

“I didn’t know you have a brother.”

“Yeah. I do. But I left them behind to better the world.  I left them behind when I met you.”

“How did we meet?”

Johny took a spoonful of ice cream. He wiped his beard with a napkin. “I was eleven years old at the time. I don’t remember what I was doing or where I was going�"but I was walking down the street past a government hospital.

“Back then, the government picked homeless off the street, telling them that they would provide free health care. Later, we realized they were experimenting nanites on them. You were one of their experiments�"an orphan probably living on the streets. It was not an uncommon thing.

“Anyways, I was walking past the building when I heard glass shatter overhead. I looked up and saw you three stories high in the air. You landed in front of me and ran straight into my body. I didn’t have time to even react. But when I got up, you had fainted. I heard shouting from the building and I knew that they would come for you.

“So I made a choice.”

Timmy finished the last bit of his ice cream and pushed the bowl aside. “What happened afterwards?”

“You didn’t remember anything before going into the hospital. You became sure that the government killed your parents. I don’t think that you could accept the idea of parents who would cast out their son.”

“No, I mean. Why did you follow me?”

Johny smiled. “Because I have the curse of empathy. I saw how the United World treated people. I saw how they treated you. And I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take the pain people felt. I thought that there had to be a better way. And I empathised with your vision.”

He stopped smiling. “Maybe I didn’t plan on killing as much as I did. Maybe I didn’t think that I would be part of the ‘Bloody’ Rebellion. But that name was given to us, not embraced by us.”

Timmy remained silent. He didn’t know what to say.

“Before you started dreaming, Timmy, you were looking for a better way. You were tired of killing. And you promised me that when you found that way, you would let me know.”

Timmy looked at Johny. The locket around his neck seemed to pulse. “I’m sorry. I haven’t found it yet.”

“Don’t worry. You will.”

Timmy and CT were in the training room. That day, they were simply going over what happened during the food raid. CT told Timmy it was important that he learned from his mistakes.

“Why did I faint?” Timmy asked.

“The nanites push your body to extreme levels. Once they deactivate, your body is exhausted. If you keep them activated for too long, your mind will shut down. You could either pass out or die.”

“Do people die from it often?”

“It’s the number one cause of death in the Bloody Rebellion... But yours are different. There is no telling what they may do.”

“Because I was an experiment.”

“That’s right.”

CT twirled his walking stick. Timmy didn’t know why he walked around with it in the base. He knew the walls like the back of his hand.

“There was something you told me once�"before you lost your memory. It was about your nanites. You said that you could, at times, activate them instantly and deactivate them just as fast. But you could do this so fast that your body would hardly tire at all.”

“So I could use them whenever I wanted to?”

“Essentially, yes.”

“How?”

“You only gave me one word: purpose.”

Timmy thought about that. But he had a problem with purpose. “If purpose is like knowing your future, then how can I know my purpose?”

CT smiled. “It’s simple. You choose your purpose, Timmy. You choose your future. Sure, maybe life sends you for a ride. Maybe you get thrown into a crazy dream world where there is no freedom and everyone expects much from you. But it is ultimately you who chooses what to do about it.

“It is your choices that determine your purpose. It is your choices that determine your future.”

Timmy nodded. “I never thought about it like that.”

“It’s because you never once took responsibility for your own life. You claimed to be a Christian didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Just because you believe in a god doesn’t mean you can use him as a scapegoat to not live. It doesn’t mean you can use a god as a claim to your ignorance. It’s why the United World destroyed religion in the first place.”

Timmy didn’t reply. He nodded his head, even though the old man couldn’t tell.

“Of course, this is all speculation. I have absolutely no idea what you meant when you said: purpose.”

“That’s helpful.”

“Not really.”

Timmy let his fingertips brush the cave wall as he walked. It was cold and damp. But he didn’t mind. His hands were always cold. Johny walked in front of him. The cave walls were too narrow for two.

He had grown used to them by now�"the caves, the darkness. Although, he didn’t know how long he had been inside the dream. Time was never an issue even in reality for him. In fact, the difference between the two had almost vanished. Every time someone joked about it or mentioned it to him, he realized that it was what he once believed. He once thought that this was a dream? He once thought his mother made his lunch everyday?

“What is this meeting about?” Timmy asked.

“Not here. You’ll find out soon enough.”

“It’s about the mission.”

Johny didn’t reply. They walked, listening to the thoughts inside their heads, the water dripping in the cave. They reached the meeting room. It was the same room Timmy had been in before when he first came to the base.

Sitting around the table were the same people that were there the previous time. CT was sitting at the head. Rachel and Johny sat next to him. A few other captains were there as well.

CT began. “We’re here to discuss Timmy’s involvement with Operation Downcast. I know that we’ve all agreed he should partake in the mission to determine his ability as leader, but with the recent circumstances, I thought it was necessary to discuss it further.”

“What circumstances?” One of the captains asked.

CT nodded to Johny. Johny began. “During our most recent food raid on the government’s southern distribution center, we were ambushed by special forces. They knew we were coming. I could tell from the weapons they carried and the gear that they wore. We shouldn’t have stood a chance against them, but Timmy had activated his nanites and took them all out.”

Everyone turned to Timmy. “I didn’t know he had been trained to use them.” Someone said.

“He hasn’t.” CT replied. “It could become a liability during the mission. He blacked out after killing all the special forces.”

“But that’s not the main concern.” Johny said. “The point is�"there’s a traitor amongst us. And unless he is caught, there is a great risk in bringing Timmy into the mission. I think its obvious that they are after Timmy. There would be very little point in sabotaging a routine food raid.”

The room quieted when the traitor was mentioned. No one looked at each other. They kept their eyes to the floor.

Rachel broke the silence. “Even still, Timmy was able to handle himself.” The captains nodded in agreement. Johny kept his eyes down on the table.

CT spoke. “Well, I think its only fair to ask Timmy, himself.”

Hearing his name, Timmy picked up his head. He had been entranced by the wooden table�"the texture of the wooden chair.

“Do you think you can handle yourself?”

“What?” He asked, knowing that he had heard the question. He always asked to give his brain more time to think.

“Can you handle yourself during the mission? Can you keep control of your mind? Can you handle your emotions?”

He looked at everyone. Rachel’s eyes were expecting. Johny’s eyes were still staring at the table. CT’s eyes never showed anything but a continuous depth.

“Yes. I think I can.”

The room was quiet for a long moment. They were waiting for the thought to continue. It didn’t.

“Okay.” CT said. “I think that settles it. Of course, I will continue training him. But like Johny said, our main objective should be to find the spy.”

The room was in silent agreement.

“And if we don’t find him before the mission?” Johny asked.

“Just put one foot in front of the other. Find the spy at all costs. Look at the records, video tapes, phone lines. Track everything. And make sure everyone who is on the search does it in pairs. We have to take all precautions.”

Then the meeting ended. Johny still seemed dazed as they walked out of the room. Timmy didn’t question it. He just followed behind him through the cave walls.

A voice called out, “Timmy!” It was Rachel.

He stopped and Johny disappeared into the darkness of the caves. When she reached him, she seemed happier than usual.

“You did good back there.”

“I was just being honest.”

“I mean�"your growing a lot. And I’m happy for you. It won’t be long before you are leader again, I’m sure.”

“Thanks.”

She looked at him with searching eyes. She always had such wanting. “I need to talk to you about something. Would you follow me?”

“Sure.”

She led him to a corner of the cave walls and made sure no one was close enough to hear. In a low voice, she whispered in his ear. “I know who the traitor is.”

All his senses were heightened. “Who?”

“Think about it, Timmy.” She said. “It’s someone of power. It is someone who has the leadership’s trust... It’s someone in the leadership itself.”

“So why don’t you tell someone?”

“Because no one can be trusted. And no one would believe me.”

“Who is it?”

“Johny.”

She was wrong. She had to be. Johny wouldn’t do anything like that. It didn’t make sense. “It can’t be... He was the one advocating for the traitor’s search. He was on the food raid with me when we were attacked.”

“Only to make him look less suspicious. Didn’t you notice how he kept his eyes down during the meeting? He couldn’t even look at you.”

She was right. He didn’t even look back to see if he was following. “How do you know?”

“I don’t know. But its the only thing that makes sense. He’s the only one with true motive.”

“Motive?”

Rachel sighed. “You already know. And I can’t tell you. Ask him yourself.”

The ice cream in his stomach felt heavy. “But... But he wouldn’t have wanted the traitor to be found if he was the traitor. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Think about it. Searching for evidence in the records won’t bring up anything. Johny is too smart. He is able to see the world from every one's perspective. All the evidence that could have been found has been erased by now.”

Timmy wasn’t listening anymore. “Motive?”

“Ask him.”

He walked back to his room, confused and delirious. It couldn’t be Johny. He had become his best friend. What motive could there be?

The cave walls seemed smaller than usual�"the rocks more jagged. He wanted to stop his thoughts but he couldn’t. They kept going through several scenarios�"alternate universes in his mind. Sometimes he found that Rachel was wrong, that she was delusional. Other times, he found that Johny was guilty. He found that Johny was trying to bring down the Bloody Rebellion.

But in any universe, he could not imagine Johny as an enemy. He could not imagine him as anyone other than a friend.

The dream was getting very confusing. Maybe it was not a dream anymore. When had it been?

He found himself in front of Johny’s door. His body must have moved itself. It couldn’t have been the Holy Spirit. He didn’t believe in it.

He knocked.

The door opened. Johny was standing there. His beard was scruffled. His eyes seemed tired. Timmy thought he looked a bit like Jesus. “Let’s walk.” Johny said.

Timmy followed him through the tunnels. They walked and he knew where they were going. It wasn’t long before Johny lifted his hands above his head and unlocked the hatch. He pushed up and walked out into the night air. Timmy followed.

It was cool. Summer was coming soon. They closed the hatch and walked out of the abandoned building. The streets were empty and dark. There were no lights except for the street lamps at the ending intersections.

They walked side by side. The skies were always clear. It confused Timmy, since the city was so large. He thought pollution would cover the stars. Instead, they were quite bright. He wondered if it was just the illusion of being under his glass jar.

They didn’t say much to each other. They passed the shopping district into the business complexes, and towards places Timmy had never been. Without knowing it, they were gravitating towards the center of the city. They were going to the Romans building.

It towered over all structures. It watched the city with a quiet shadow. Prostitutes came out of their alleyways to worship it. Casinos flashed their lights in its glory. This was the night life. This was its true kingdom.

Timmy and Johny kept their heads down as they past. They were getting closer. As they did, the lights grew more intense. The girls grew more numerous. The business men became more wanting.

There it was, in all its glory. They stood underneath it, looking up at the endless building. Were they trying to reach heaven? Haven’t they heard of the parable? And why did the Christian God tear down that great tower? Was it because man could reach heaven or because their aspirations were too great? Didn’t God want them in heaven?

Timmy didn’t know. So he asked Johny. He didn’t know either. They simply wondered together. It was all they could really do. Soon, they would be ones tearing it down. Soon, they would play God in this parable.

“You want to know something.” Johny said.

Timmy didn’t know how to reply.

“Ask.”

He spoke simply. He knew the motive all along. He never wanted to accept it. He never could.  “You wish I had never lost my memory.”

Johny smiled. “I thought I was the empathetic one.” He looked down. “I don’t have very many feelings of my own. I’m not sure how to handle them. And I don’t want you to think that I regret anything. I’m only saddened by the fact that I couldn’t do anything. You have to live your own life. And you are. You always have. And wishing to change that would be changing who you are. No matter what happens, I’ll never wish that. I’ll always meet you where you’re at.

“But do I wish you hadn’t lost your memory? Of course.” Johny turned to Timmy. “Put yourself in my shoes. Wouldn’t you wish the same?”

“Yes.”

They stood there long enough for their legs to tire. Eventually they sat down, still looking up towards the endless building. Business men and prostitutes walked around them. But they didn’t notice. Surely, they were trying to reach heaven.

The sun came up above the horizon. It came fast and pure. Only when it hit their faces did they get up and walk back from where they came. Through the business complexes, through the shopping districts, and back into the abandoned building where their underground base was.

They entered the earth and went deeper and deeper under the cave walls. Did that mean they were trying to reach Hell?

Timmy didn’t get a chance to sleep. He was used to not sleeping.

CT was going over the blueprints of the Romans Building again. He had to have it memorized for the mission. Even though CT couldn’t see it, he made Timmy repeat the dimensions aloud again and again. He made him run mile after mile through the cold tunnels. He made him fight soldier after soldier.

He would be ready. Soon it was night. They were in the training room.

“What’s on your mind?” CT asked.

“Nothing.”

“Is it the girl?”

He didn’t reply. The smell of oxidized copper had become a part of him. He hadn’t opened it since finding it on his nightstand.

“It won’t be long before you can search for her. She might know what happened to you.”

“She might.” Timmy said.

“Do you have feelings for her?”

“I don’t know.” CT sat down next to Timmy. He placed his walking stick down by his feet. “Did you ever love anyone?” Timmy asked.

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“She left. And I couldn’t find the exit.”

“The exit to what?”

“My glass jar.”

It was not just a parable. All along, Timmy knew but didn’t say. He thought that it was only fair to leave the blind man to his secrets. It wasn’t his place to disrupt the mind of an elder.

“Don’t make the same mistakes I did.” CT said.

Timmy turned to CT. “I might have to.”

“Yes. You might have to.”

Timmy could see tears coming down the blind man’s eyes. It was the first time he had seen him cry. There was life in those eyes after all. For once, Timmy didn’t see him as being blind. He didn’t bother wiping them away. No one judged the elderly. They only tried to relate.

Timmy cried too. He didn’t know why. He didn’t care. And maybe that’s why he did cry. Because he couldn’t understand. Because he would have to make mistakes. Because he would have to hurt. Because he only learned the hard way.

At least, that’s why CT cried.

Somewhere in between his tears, Timmy fell asleep. When he woke up, it was morning. A crowd of people were standing around. He had fallen asleep in the training room.

He got up, walked to the cafeteria, and ate a bowl of pink ice cream.