In The End

She just wants to find what the point of our life's test truly means. What lengths should a person go for others to find such an important question?

I miss her more than the others. She had gone searching for what she thought would be heaven; it only turned out to be her own hell. I begged her not to go. I told her that she didn’t need to understand more than any other person would ever understand, but she was curious that way. I guess that was my fault though. Had I never come around she would have been fine. She would have lived her life, found a man that could have saved her from this. It was my fault. She was gone and it was my fault.

                                 

            I knew I’d go to hell for this. Jake stayed by and watched me. He knew I had to do what I decided to do. Jason had left. He couldn’t stand to watch my decent into quiet madness. It started the night our car died in the middle of nowhere.

 

            

            “You know you can’t stay forever sir. I’m closing up early to make it to my daughter’s dance recital.” The bartender loomed over me. Should I insist on at least one more drink? Whiskey was the only thing keeping me sane anymore. The small glass I had just finished off seemed so warm when it was full of the burning liquid; it was cold now. I bravely looked up to the bartender. He wasn’t much bigger than me and this s****y bar could use all the money it could get. I could just stay and drink until the whiskey really took me down. But I recognized the tire in his eyes. The darkened splotches on his lower lids couldn’t have compared to mine, but I understood that I should probably leave this one be.

            

            My mother had told me to bring a more resistant jacket when I left home. I hadn’t thought much about it then. Standing in the night’s thick downpour, well that made me think about it now. My drenched hair snapped against my chilled face as I screamed and kicked dents into the car. But I stopped…

 One of those screams wasn’t mine.

 

            

            I remember her touch the most. My hands slid into the empty pockets of my thin, dark jacket. I walked out of the bar that I’d been occupying for hours by now. The night was unforgiving to me when I started down the sidewalk. The cold air whipped back at my face, forcing me to remember the same chill that very night I lost her. She was so gentle when she touched me. My head hangs down as I walk. I should have noticed her shift. I should have done something or said something. Jason was right to have told her no.

                 

            The boys and I had pulled off to the side of the road before the car had drained. A forest ran along the side, parallel to the road. I stared deep into its emptiness, noticing now how suffocating these plants were to the daily beauty. I looked to the boys. Jason’s blue eyes begged, “no, please.” Jake’s red ones were understanding. So I ran.

             

            Where was I going right now? I stopped on the sidewalk and stared around me. I didn’t feel much like going home. The apartment was scattered with a mixture of emptiness and a litter of full boxes carrying my brother, Jason’s, things. Since she had gone, the two of us didn’t talk nor even look at each other much anymore. The boxes reminded me that everything was falling away from my grasp. I looked in the direction of my place then turned my gaze down a little alleyway to my right. It was dimly lit by the light of the streets; still it was lit up more than I was inside. I started my way through it.

             

            I ran deep into the thickness, my breath being closed in the further I moved. And then the clearing came; that’s where she lie. Soft and warm within the cold. I slowly walked to her and knelt down. My hand shook as I got it to her face. The back of my hand caressed her cheek. Why must life go? Why must I be forced to watch it flutter away?

             

            Why couldn’t I shake the thought of her? The feeling of her? I loved her, that’s why. My mouth rose a little in an attempt to smile at the memory of when she chose me. She could have had Jason, but she wanted me. I remember how surprised my brother and I were when she made her decision. She was such a caring person. The type that wouldn’t harm a fly and wanted everyone to be happy, to be loved. We were both part of her, but only one of us could be her full protector. Had I failed at my duty? Perhaps I had loved her too much.

 

            

            “It wasn’t your fault.” Jake appeared into the clearing. His eyes were worried this time, his body holding back from running directly to my side. “There’s nothing you could have done.’’

            “There’s always something I could have done Jake.” I rose as if to peer upon the killer standing before me. How dare he tell me I couldn’t have won this one. “This woman didn’t deserve to die.”

            Jake began to step towards me. His gaze was different now. I noticed its sadness just as he got close enough to wrap his arms around me. “You’re not the world’s savior my love. Sometimes you must let them die. You know this.”

            I buried my face deep into the warm cotton of his shirt, clenching onto the edges of his open jacket. My tears began to pass between my cheek and the soft fabric. “Doesn’t mean I like watching it.”

             

            The alleyway was running short and I was forced to walk back out into the open of another sidewalk. Where was I going? Where were any of us going? I stopped. She was right; this place was hell. This whole world was haunted by the spirit of her. She was born to allow destiny, to help or to force things to an end. It was my job to keep her safe from the destruction that was her task. It had seemed like such a simple job back when my brother and I were told we’d be assigned to a healer. He was born from good and I from bad. She had to choose one of us to be her main voice of reason. If she hadn’t fallen for me, she would have chosen my brother as her angel, not me as her demon.

             

            “I gotta find my way away from this place.” I gripped harder, pushing deeper into his embrace. “Can you take me now?”

            “You know I can’t. Even more importantly, I won’t.”

            “Jake, they’re testing us. Testing me. I don’t want to be a part of this sick game anymore. Either saving or allowing people to die. This isn’t right Jake. This place is hell.”

            “I know it feels that way love. But please don’t attempt to go looking for answers to this.” My eyes traced the forest floor. I watched the rain moisten the thick soil and coat every fragile leaf that had dared to live. Just a couple feet from the dead body… I saw it.

             

            I began to start down this new sidewalk and it occurred to me that I’d never escape the mundaneness that was my new life. This street was no less colder, no less empty, and no less a reminder. My lungs filled with the stale, thick air that I wish could give me the fresh comfort that most people describe for it. Each deep breath I take I keep my eyes closed for. I try to imagine back when the air was nice. When the leaves sang to the breeze trumpeting through them and the sky would radiate warmth, comfort, and life. My eyes open, none of my visuals would stick to this reality anymore. Up ahead, two lights shined down the road. A car was interrupting my attempt to find peace again. I hated this world. I hated the laws that it held against life and death. Had the Controllers known she would do what she did? Perhaps the end was coming for this world and what she did was the beginning to that end. I only wonder how it will end. And in that moment it occurs to me. Could I do what she did?

             

            The dead woman lying on the ground had been shot. I had noticed the bullet wound in her sternum just before Jake had appeared in the clearing. Hoping he hadn’t noticed the same thing, I had been distracting him long enough for me to find the cause of the hole in her body. The killer would have been too shocked hearing the crunching of leaves and twigs from under my feet, he would have likely dropped the gun when he escaped. I knew I needed to make it to that gun before Jake noticed it.

            “You know that I can’t not try. I was born to question and to change the things that happen to this world.” My palms lie flat on Jake’s chest and I raise my head to look him in the eyes. He looked upon me. His eyes were so caring, begging me to not let go of him. I’m sorry Jake, I thought, I have to do this. My right hand traces up to his stoned chin, savoring every inch of its truth; he was strength. He was the rock that had held my broken pieces together, keeping me from shattering to the ground. My actions tonight would not be his fault. For him, for Jason, for every being on Earth they had to be done. Our foreheads meet with the direction from my hands for his head to move. Eyes closed, I sigh. “You were the one that told me that I was special. You were the one that proved to me that I needed to heal this world through life and death. I may direct the cleansing path of destiny, but I know that there must be something bigger Jake.” My eyes crunch in an effort to hold back the drops wanting to spill out of them. The hand I placed on his face has travelled to the back of his neck, caressing the tiny hairs and goosebumps with my thumb. “You believed I would always make the right choices when it came to keeping the world in balance. I need you to believe that this will be the right choice too.”

            I raise to my toes, pulling him in closer to me so as to feel his soft, loving lips pressing against mine. His grip around my waist tightens, the pressure making his strong, caring presence more known to my own body and soul. Our lips slept upon eachothers, creating dreams of one another that had been satisfied with just this simple touch. I didn’t want him to go, I didn’t want to push away from him. I knew he felt the same; so I had held tight to this kiss. But as he relaxed himself upon me, forcing my lips awake, I lifted my tired lids, broke from him… and ran for the gun.

             

            Feet stumbled out into the street coming to an abrupt halt. When I looked down I realized that they were my own feet holding me in that stalled position. The breeze began to blow harder, begging me to continue moving; but not this time. A couple street lights down the road, I could see still see those lights piercing the haunting darkness and heading in my direction. She was strong, I thought, perhaps this is how I need to show her I believed in her cause, in her. I snapped my middle finger and thumb together, causing all of the lights ahead to turn green. I had been allowed some luxuries when sent here for her; now I wished that one of them would have done something useful in saving her. The car came flying down the road, but still not fast enough. Forty miles per hour was just slow enough to make me beg, to allow time for the tears to well up in my eyes. Why couldn’t I have been faster? Had part of me believed so much in her that my body had frozen in an effort to let her finish the game that They had started? It didn’t matter now… two more green lights to go… I’d hold her again this way. I’d feel her gentle lips against mine again this way… one green light… Ding! I moved my phone from my jacket pocket just enough to read the sound distracting message.

Jason: It’s her.

             

          My knees skidded to the itchy mush of the clearing, sliding me into range of the gun. I swiped it from the mud and turned to my beloved protector. He was running towards me as soon as his eyes caught sight of my plans. “Jake..?” The tears didn’t try to stop themselves. He paused for just a second. His gaze directed into mine. He was scared, but he believed. “I will always love you.”

“NO!” He tried to run to me again. Begging for me to change the path of my wrist as it aimed the weapon at my own temple. My final words seemed to ring louder than the heart shattering BANG in my ear.

             

I ran. As the car barely flew past my body, blowing my jacket up from the breeze it sent, I ran as fast as I should have that day months ago. I disappeared into the shadows of the alley, I knew I’d never make it home on foot soon enough to know if my brother’s words were true. Hardly seen in the darkness, the black feathers spread out from my back; I did not stop running. The exit of the alley came just as my feet cracked the cement of the sidewalk. Force lifting me up into this forgiving night. I was only meant to use my wings in case of emergencies They had told me. This was nothing short of one. The night whipped my bare face, trying to slow my soaring down. The stars never seemed so illuminating, guiding me twelve blocks through the air. Bringing me to the wish they had granted me. Shining down upon my apartment building, the moon reminded me why I admired the darkness. It was the best way to appreciate the light.

I fell down hard unto the patio entering my living room. The cement holding it together broke under my feet, but did not rip too far apart. At least I could enjoy this without the landlady giving me hell about needing a new patio.

The sliding glass door opened, the white curtains billowed into the two-bedroom home. Jason pulled them back and looked at me with his goodie-two-shoes gaze of frustration. He was a splitting image of me. Slight length to both our jet black hair, our toned flesh stayed pale, and we both stood strong at 6’1. My canines were a bit more pointed than his and our eyes shined at different ends of the light and dark color spectrums.

“Did anybody see you use your wings? You know we aren’t allowed to use them. You could have been seen.”

“Your white, angel wings maybe, but no one would be able to see demon wings at night.” I push the irritating nag out of my way. Entering the living room I saw only empty space, half filled with boxes. “Where is she?”

“She’s in your room. She ran right through the front door and immediately went in there. Jake? Be careful. She was coherent enough to talk to me and remember who I am, but it’s not hard to see that she’s been through something I doubt any of us could ever explain nor describe.”

“I understand. But I need to see her now. I need to know she’s really back.” I walk through the living room, down the hallway, and stop right in front of my bedroom door.

Her hair was the same length it was months ago. Its silky, brown texture reflecting the light in a way that proved it to be just as soft as the last time she allowed me to run my fingers through it. We had been lying right on that bed she now sat upon. It was stripped bare of my sheets, now a lifeless mattress on the floor, but not of the memory of me holding her nude body close to mine. Of the outside noises tuned out as she had run her fingertips down my naked chest. Of her warmth intertwined with my warmth. She smiled at me, bringing me back to now.

“Hi Jake.” I hurried to the ground, sliding my knees against the hardwood as she had done against the mud months ago. She had been gliding towards death, I did it towards life. My arms wrapped around her and I laid my head upon her lap. She was so warm. I had missed this warmth even more than I knew I had yearned for. Tears burst free. My legs quick to raise myself up onto one knee so that I could place both hands upon either side of her face. My lips could not be upon hers any faster. I could feel one of her palms caress my face, calming me. She brushed her thumb under my eye to catch my tears of joy. Our lips parted and I looked upon her, pushing strands of hair from in front of her beautiful, chocolate eyes.

            “My love. You came back.”

            “Of course I did. I promised I’d try to find answers.”

            I rose to the bed and sat. Grabbing her hand from my face, I lowered it to our touching knees and held her hands together with mine.

            “Did you find them?”

            She smiled at me. That’s all I needed to know. She had gone to The Controllers directly and They must have finally told her what she wanted to know.

            “Healers and their protectors are here for destiny Jake. But it wasn’t a coincidence that I was given two. One born from good,” she looked towards the bedroom door. My brother was probably waiting out there just far enough from the door to give us a little privacy. She turned towards me, “and one born from evil. They knew I’d be there to see them. I was given you and Jason so that I could choose…because I will be the last healer. This destiny, this choice, will yield good or bad.” Her eyes grew wise. They had always been filled with so much knowledge and inspiration. I had always believed in her to make the right choices. She didn’t mean to say that this was… “Jason; you; me, we know we are very special. Yet we keep trying to find out in what way, not this way, not that way…” She paused with a sigh.

Her choice would be the end, I realized, I had to know what that would be.

“Then what way?”

Author's Note

Sorry about the awkward lining. It didn't transfer exactly the same from word. I wrote this for a college, creative writing class. So there were some things that we had to make sure happened.