The Keeper of Time

Time never stops and we often forget that its there at all. It can preoccupy us or it can vanish completely.

The pendulum waved on my dear grandfather clock.

It spoke its usual, fair and timeless words, “tick-tock.”

It housed it’s pendulum inside its glass womb.

It was tall and tense looking, like an ancient tomb.

Hearing it brought me fear and apprehension.

Louder it ticked and tocked in dark tension.

“Quiet now for I am trying to go to sleep!”

Tick tock, tick tock, it was almost a weep.

My dear grandfather clock simply was and will be.

Nothing can stop its time, nothing, you will see.

 

Tick tock, tick tock, it just wouldn't stop at all!

It was speaking in its uniquely steady call.

Tall, brooding, and sulking, look at it there.

It called to me, but I was simply unaware.

Oaken all over, with twisting carves in its sides.

The gold decorated it like rolling ocean tides.

Still it grew louder, even at this quiet hour.

It had something, some mystical power.

I could not sleep, no matter how hard I tried.

Tick tock, tick tock, I could have almost cried.

 

Again I could hear the ticking, its own dark calling.

It spoke again, just as into sleep I was falling.

Tick tock, tick tock, I could not escape the sound.

Again, why did this clock not need to be wound?

I haven’t heard the bells in what felt like ages.

Surely this clock must have sounding stages?

I began to fear, loathe, tremble and despair.

But when did this gray get in to my hair?

“I do not understand you, why do you call?”

Tick tock, tick tock, nothing, and nothing at all.

 

The pendulum waved on my dear grandfather clock.

It spoke its dark, maddening and timely works “tick-tock.”

“That’s it! I’ll burn you down to the ground!”

It just stared, not making any other sound.

The fire had started; the entire house began to burn.

It was done now, no need for any more concern.

But what is this, I cannot even make sense!

It was still there, dark, oaken, and tense.

“What are you, foul demon, the grim reaper?”

“No, friend, time must always have a keeper.”

Reviews

[naznaz]

Hi!

This is a really amazing piece of work!

I love these sort of peculiar poems, and I think the speech used within the poem was a really good addition, as it really enhanced a very good poem, to an amazing one!

The end two lines are perhaps my most favourite and overall I loved all the maddening tick-tock-ing.

I have no criticisms.

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Wow. I honestly don't know what to say. Thank you so much. Really. Thank you.

[Astro]

Great piece of poetry, I was really thinking by the comment of the "gray hair" that it would end with the final "tick tock" and the person in the poem would expire, perhaps with some sounding of the chimes, but what you have done here is equal, if not better suited to your description and design. Excellent. I did find a typo in this line should you want to edit it, "even at this quite hour." "quite" I believe should be "quiet". Cheers

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Over 200+ views, and over 20+ reviews and you were the first to catch that. Hahah. Good stuff. Thank you for the review.

[Astro]

You're most welcome, I was happy to review it. I guess from my lofty perch among the stars I was able to spot it easier. ;)

[Rita L. Sev]

This is an interesting piece; I like the image of this clock, standing for the continuation of time. think the last stanza was the most melodic. Well done!

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Thank you! I'm glad that you liked it.

[annie lee]

Very rhythmic descent into a macabre place of dazzling light and truth. These are lines to pique the conscience of many a procrastinator ( I am in that number ). The rhyming is not an obstruction to the flow of the poem or its message. The clock was not malevolent but the time wasted and ignored acquired that persona.

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Thank you very much. Personifying time was probably the hardest part of this. I didn't want time to seem like it was evil or something, but that it was simply that: "something".

[SteveB]

Very nicely done. As you obviously have talent you don't need an ego stroke.
I enjoyed the imagery very much. You were vivid and concrete. The rhyme scheme worked well although there were times that the meter seemed a bit off. Given the image of the regular sway of the clock a more regular beat would seem to be called for. There were a few lines that seemed just a shade off. I see from other comments that you have pruned so I cannot give any opinion as to earlier versions. The fact that I have to pick on such a comparatively minor issue, which may exist only in my own ear, shows the strength of this piece.
If I may join in on the issue of "waved", I like that word choice. First t relates to the personification of the clock and second in my mind I added a " 's " to the end of grandfather on my first read through and had an image of the grandfather watching you through the passage of time. On the second read however that phantom additon was gone. However "waved" still strikes me as the correct choice.
I am very glad Lori sent me a read request on this piece. I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Your criticism is much appreciated and welcomed on all my poetry. And no, I noticed a problem with the meter that I JUST can't figure out. It's VERY minor but everytime I read it, it happens to me. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading this. I look forward to other reviews from you.

[SteveB]

I look forward to reading more of your work. You obviously have skill and vision.

[Encantado]

After reading all your works I must say One thing... I am disappointed really disappointed... Of course on myself... Damn I am so low grade righter... !! It was as if the whole stage was set right infront of my eyes... gr8 work my friend.

Keep inking those whites
as pass by the nights
some day after rites
you will reach glory of new heights

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Thank you very much. I don't know what to say. I'll keep writing.

[WyndnWatr]

My criticism is so picayune as to be superficial. I think the poem would be better served if you substituted "swung" for "waved" as in "the pendulum swung on my dear grandfather clock." as opposed to waved. But having said that, it is quite good. I picture it as a song. You a do a great job of using the medium to tell the story. As I say to many, you don't need criticism, just encouragement. Good job. m
Ok, sorry. I just finished reading it for the 3rd time and if you removed certain words it would read more like poetry than written sentences. Maybe it's just the meter in my head that I like to read but having gone to the trouble to rhyme you could have a much more fluid sounding pace with a few deletions. But that is purely opinion.

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Any criticism is welcome criticism. I don't mind at all. Thank you for it. As for the wording, to me, it flowed more gently if I use the word "waved" instead of "swung". "Swung" sounds a little more hard to me (sound wise) and doesn't do much to help the personification I was going for. It shouldn't read like written sentences. With the exception of one or two lines, every line should be at least 10 syllables long with the last word in each sentence rhyming. Hopefully, this will shed some light on what I was going for. But again, thank you.

[WyndnWatr]

Oh. Not knowing anything about poetry or it's construction, I just......ran my mouth. You are right about waved. Write more. m

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Hahaha. No, no. It's fine, really. Run your mouth more, people need to hear others opinions on there work. I don't mind at all.

[WyndnWatr]

Well then, write more and I'll read more. :)

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

I can do that. Deal.

[Larry Dyson]

if you dont mind ..I like to hear a poets reason and thinking on some use of words...I am wondering why you used the word"-waved" to describe the motion of the pendulum? ty Laury

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

I don't mind at all. I used the word "waved" because I feel like time is just sometimes off in the distance waving at us to come back to it. When someone is waving and you notice them in the corner of your eye, you glance over. I feel like it helps my personification of time a little. Hope this helps.

[Larry Dyson]

yes..thanx so much ..it makes really good sense.

[B-poet]

Great work. The last stanza is my favorite. Keep up the great work. :)

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Thank you very much!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

defiantly like nothing i have read before. how random to write a poem about a clock. I liked it though its pretty great.

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

My mom used to have this great big grandfather clock in here house and it was always...just there. I guess that's where all this came from really. Thank you for reading.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

creative i like it. The rhyming scheme was brilliant btw :) Keep writing and your very much welcome

[Troy Henson]

The long lines in this piece worked well with the rhyming which is not easy to do.
A nice even narrative tone set this piece up to be an easy read. Great imagery combined with a very descriptive rolling outlay made it a long and wonderful read. Very nice

Regards
Troy

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Thank you my friend. Glad that you enjoyed it.