Dear Gulf Power Company

A humorous letter of outrage to the electric company for a power outage.

Gulf Power Company
Attn: Customer Service Department
In regards to account #300000897369

To Whom It May Concern:

I was writing to request a credit to my next electric bill for my home at 123 Oak Lane.

As you know, two months ago, due to a careless serviceman, the power was cut to my entire neighborhood for three days until repairs could finally be made. Unfortunately, the loss of electricity has come at a great expense to my family, and therefore I feel we should be compensated for our financial losses due to the outage.

First, as you would expect, we lost everything in our refrigerator and freezer for which we would like to be reimbursed. In addition, I am asking to be paid back for 67 family meals at local restaurants since the loss occurred. Had we never lost power, my wife and I would have been content to cook meals for our family at home. Instead, we discovered the convenience of someone else cooking and cleaning suited our lifestyle much better. Please credit my account accordingly and adjust my future bills to reflect our new dining preferences.

Second, as we went three days without power, we encouraged our son and daughter to go outside and play with other children in the neighborhood. They actually made friends and my son continues to maintain contact with them to this day. This has created a financial hardship since he now needs “play clothes” that he can get dirty. He even insists on a new bicycle to ride with the aforementioned “guys” as he now calls them.

My daughter, on the other hand, has taking up the disgusting habit of reading and insists on library or bookstore visits. This can be quite costly when you consider the high cost of gas to and from such establishments and the cost of actually buying a book. This was not an issue for either child when they were sitting quietly in front of the television drooling for hours on end.

And finally, I ask that you credit my account $222,360. You see with the power out and our children roaming freely outdoors, my wife and I sought our own “entertainment” as boredom ensued. Thanks to your incompetence and delay in repairing power lines, we are now expecting our third child. According to the New York Times the above amount is the current cost of raising a child from birth to 18 years of age.

I will be happy to supply you with an itemized list of all expenses incurred since the outage and projected future costs this catastrophe has placed on my family. Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Sincerely,
Robert Anderson