The Gift

The Devil is delighted over his adorable new pet.

Lucinda was nervous.

She paced outside her dad’s office waiting for his summons. Their business meeting should have started over half an hour ago. Normally he relished any chance to wreck lives, but since the “gift” was delivered yesterday….

Lucinda’s thoughts were interrupted when her dad opened the door to his office, and beckoned her in. He was dressed in his usual attire, all black, but that was the only thing that was normal.

“Dad, your hair is a wreck! Did you even comb it today?” Lucinda asked. Yes, she might work for him, she thought, but he was still her dad, and it was hard to see him with curly untamed hair. He usually kept it oiled smoothly to his scalp to better highlight his manicured horns.

“Oh,” he replied. “I just didn’t have time this morning, Lucinda.” Then in a sing-song voice, he continued, “I had to feed Little Scratch her breakfast.”

Lucinda glared at the “gift,” a tiny black kitten, curled up in her dad’s arms, and watched with disgust as he scratched her gently with his long pointed nail behind her ear. The kitten’s approving purr infuriated Lucinda even more.

“Dad,” she snapped, “we have to go over these reports.”

“Calm down, LuLu, we’ll get to them in just a second,” he replied.

LuLu? What the Heaven! Her dad, the Prince of Darkness, just called her, the Vice President for Hell’s Administration Department, LuLu? This was worse than she thought.

He took his seat behind the massive cherry wood desk, placed the kitten in front of him and motioned for Lucinda to take her seat. When the kitten stretched, Lucinda was horrified to see his face contort in the most obscene way. The corners of his mouth lifted, and he was showing teeth. He had this strange gleam coming from his eyes, and crinkles above his cheeks. Lucinda looked down at her lap and tried to take a deep breath to ease the nausea. Get a grip, she thought, you’re a professional.

She made space on his desk by moving a basket taking up the middle. In her haste, she knocked over a picture of her and her dad. Good, Lucinda thought, leaving it lying flat, she hated that picture. Her hair was perfectly dull and stringy that day, but the flash washed out her crimson red face leaving her bubble gum pink. At least she didn’t knock over his antique inkwell and quill set.

“Here’s the gold fiddle you ordered,” she said placing it in the cleared spot. “Also, I confirmed your flight to Georgia tomorrow morning at 8:43.”

“Tomorrow?” Lucifer replied. “Let’s reschedule that,” he said watching the kitten climb on the violin.

“Dad! You have to go! The Souls Department called saying we’re way behind this year on…,” she was interrupted when Little Scratch batted at the strings creating a horrible noise.

“I can go steal souls next week, LuLu,” he answered. “No need to panic.”

Oh, there’s a great need to panic, she thought. His odd behavior since the kitten arrived really worried her. She watched again in helpless silence as he twisted his mouth and eyes out of shape when the kitten jumped at the very noise she produced from the instrument.

Lucinda rubbed the base of her throbbing horns by her temples and moved on. Maybe I can get him back on track, she thought, with the next order of business.

“I just got the Recession Report from the Treasury Department.” She pulled it out and placed it on the desk, moving the fiddle back an inch to make room. The tiny black fur ball puffed up and hissed at Lucinda. Yeah, back at ya, she thought hatefully.

“Dad,” she began. “As you know, our American agent has been keeping us up to date. He reports there’s a hint of economic recovery. Our world recession goals were successfully reached. Now it’s time to move in for the kill, and go for complete financial ruin. My best agent is at a bank in the middle of Beverly Hills. He’s ready to execute Operation Economic Disaster once you sign the order.”

Lucinda passed him the document she had prepared months ago. Next she took the quill, dipped it in the ink, and started to hand it to him…

Then, all heaven broke loose.

The kitten saw the feather quill waving.

With one mighty leap she pounced from the violin.

The kitten ripped the feather out of Lucinda’s hand.

Startled, Lucinda knocked over the inkwell.

The kitten, on her back now, held on to the feather with her teeth and front legs, and was frantically kicking the same feather with her back claws.

Her dad started seizing. His eyes were shut tight and his mouth was wide-open emitting short barking-like sounds. His red face turned almost black. He was holding his stomach, and gasping for air between barks as a bit of moisture leaked from his eyes.

Lucinda was terrified. Oh dear, Devil, she wondered, what is going on here?

Once recovered, her dad picked up the kitten and headed for the door cooing to the miniature beast as he went, “does my Little Scratch-Scratch need a treat?”

Astonished, Lucinda just sat there and watched him go.

A minute later she surveyed the damage on the desk. Feather bits were still floating in the air. Ink was everywhere, on her, on her reports, on the fiddle and even the floor.

But it was the handbasket that the kitten was delivered in that caught her attention. Dangling from the handle, a white tag was gently waving. She angled it towards her to read the three words written on one side, “Deliver to: Hell”.

She then flipped the tag over and suddenly it all clicked into place. It was signed: “From: God.”

I guess the meeting is adjourned, Lucinda thought bitterly. She tossed her ruined paperwork into the trash, rubbed her aching horns again and muttered under her breath, “Well played, God, well played indeed…”

Reviews

[BlueLagoon]

Wonderful story! I didn't need any background or anything to jump right in start enjoying the story. That is a sign of a good writer. I really enjoyed your warped perspective of Heaven vs. Hell. This was the first piece of work I've read in a while that talks from the perspective of the "evil" side and how God was kicking THEIR asses. You also pay great attention attending to the details of the story's setting such as how Lucinda moved the violin to clear space on the desk and how the cat was toying with it while Lucinda and her father was talking. It really created depth within the story and mirrored how situations in life really occur. Something could be going on in one corner of a room while 8 other things are happening simultaneously in the same setting. That depth was very amusing and I'm sure other readers will appreciate that unique aspect of your writing. The only thing I wish you put in there was at least a hint of what was happening to the father in relation to the seizure because I am curious. But then again I guess that's exactly what you wanted: to create suspense. Great job Tina, keep up the good work!