Who She Was.

A Story by Taylor Raye

Have you ever looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the reflection looking back at you? Have you ever lied in bed all day because you don't have the strength to get up? Have you ever cried yourself to sleep without knowing where your tears are coming from? Well that's depression, well at least a very small portion of what depression feels like, here is a story of a girl who didn't know her own worth until it was too late.

Growing up with a big family and always being the one to smile and help others get through their problems, but she never took notice of her own demons that were haunting her, until finally after her family ended the "happy family" and it was split into custody battles and many fights between her mother and her drunken father, she tried to make the best of growing up to make a happy image for her sisters they she could and that they would get past the storm in their life at that moment. A few years later just when things were getting brighter her father committing suicide jumped and took all their happiness with him right along with every other emotion except for anger, hurt, and the tears that endlessly fell down her face for the first month. She knew she had to try and stay strong for her sisters but when the demons that were now in her head that job felt absolutely impossible.

A year pasted and nothing improved other than the tears that had dried up and were no longer there, she was blank, she no longer recognized herself in the mirror, her smile faded, and she pushed everyone especially the ones who loved her as far away as she possibly could at the moment. She then turned to anything that would take the pain away because she no longer knew how to deal with herself. Everyone tried getting her to realize that she was turning for the worst, she stopped eating and sleeping, she did nothing but party to get her mind off her depression for a short period of time not to mention that it soon would always catch up after the parties were over and no one was around she'd break down and cry and wonder why God put this pain on her, that question never got answered.

She started being careless and didn't care about her life until one night she had a reality check even though she scared her mom, sisters, grandma, and everyone else for that matter; after that not coming home, not knowing where she was, nor knew what was going on, the next day she admitted to her depression and reached out for help, life was finally turning around for her, she's now getting help; but that didn't take the thoughts of taking the "easy way out" out of her head, but she tried with medication, counseling, writing, her super supportive family and friends who all wish they would have noticed it sooner, but most of all she started bettering herself for the best and is now super happy with what she has accomplished and she survived what kills so many people.

So after two years of feeling nothing and not caring for herself she finally got a wake up call and is thankful of every single day she wakes up happy, and with the support of her family and friends checking up regularly she is finally seeing brighter days. So the message of this is if you know anyone suffering depression, do not hesitate to reach out because sometimes it's not noticeable they fake a smile, say nothing is wrong, and they act as happy as regular people, don't be that person who doesn't say anything because you're scared to reach out it may be too late.