its not my fault

since i was a kid

i never could sit still

i always had to move

if i didn't i become nervous

it's not my fault

that i'm not able

to stop moving

i have a fear

that if i dont move

i'll be stuck

i have many fears

many could be phobias

what stands out the most to me

is philophobia

the fear of love

i push people away

just at certin times

when love becomes the issue

i think having had my parents divorce

and to see my sister follow in the path

i'm scared i'll be next

it's like i know whens the right time

but noone listens

when i try to say this

i think i suffer from philophobia

but no one asks me if i want help

i'm not sure how to get help either

i'm not sure what they can do

i think it's to late

i think it's taken me

i fear this so much

that love word

i think i need help

mom it's not my fault

mom it's not your fault

sister it's not your fault

i'm not sure whos to blame

maybe this is life

maybe i made myself fear it so much

that now its what i have to

i'm so caught up

that i lost me

i lost the girl

who i wanted to be

it's not my fault

 

Author's Note

this poem doesn't say i have philophobia or stating it what im saying is my mom and sister have noticed me pushing people away. this is just explaining that its not me who does it and that when i looked up my syptoms i say philophobia and seen most of what i have matches. i should see someone about it but right now im trying to do it on my own. i know thats not the best but sometimes you have to fight your own battles by yourself. i think with good friends you can fight anything. i hope you enjoy it. thanks for your time.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Easy to be careful in this world. No sure things in a life. We need luck and a lot of hope to find happiness and joy. In the end. I took credit for my errors. Mistakes are wisdom for us to try not to repeat the mistake twice. A very good ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote

[Priscilla Sayers]

To always fear is no way to live. Sometimes we have to do our best to overcome those fears. As far as fear of love it is more the fear of rejection, but to love is natural, to lose is inevitable, but you have to go through this to find the love that is everlasting and if you don't try.... Then no one can help.
I am always here.
The poem is well written and conveys your thoughts and fears quite well.
Keep it up, sweet girl!

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Don't be so hard on yourself! Love can be a wonderful thing, and it's not all roses and candy at times, but allow yourself to feel love and to be loved! You want be sorry! Great read!