letter to my father i cant send it

today was a good day. I had no new memories to work though today. so today I don't hate you. in fact I remember when I used to love you. I remember going to three bridges and hiking as a family. I was really young at the time. do you remember that time? I used to feel safe warm and happy. I was a lucky kid but that changed real quick. the older I got the more the monsters in the closet came out. you were so angry, I could feel the rage in your eyes. I could feel the pain in your voice. when you yelled I felt like I needed to hide. you hurt us emotionally and physically and emotionally. you made us hate ourselves. you made us wish we were dead, you remember the day you got so angry and shut the electricity off. you made me so scared, that we packed a bag and walked in a blizzard clear to where are mother worked, you didn't even care if we were okay. there where nights when we sleep in the car at the park because we couldn't afford anything. there where days when we was hungry and u didn't care. we didn't want to see after that. but the court threatened to put are mom in jail so we had no choice. I remember how scared you made me feel. that day u started to yell and you hit my sister or daughter and I begged you to stop and u pushed her in the cold and wouldn't let me leave. I was so scared, then finally outside in the cold you told me you would shoot me in the street and no one would know or care, I lived with that in my mind forever. I used to make sure you wasn't around always watched my surroundings. living in constant fear that you would do just what you said. I grew up with out you. you didn't show me what dads should show there daughter u taught myself. I grew up and raised myself to be nothing like you. because in mind I have no father, never knew you. I hold you so deep in my thoughts that today I've decided to let you go completely. I want you to get what you deserve and god will give it to u. for years I lived with the devil in hell. with every sip of beer you took you killed us, you broke are spirt  and it took me forever to love myself again. while today I still remember the pain and suffering you caused. I want to give you a present. possibly there will be a day when you feel remorse and your unsure of what to do since I no longer let you be in my life on that day I hope you pray for forgiveness and know this that today in my moment of clarity while I do not suffer I forgive you and I hope you find peace. 

Author's Note

I know many wont understand but u can only hold on to so much and then you have to forgive and now I can be free from all this pain I've held onto for years.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Hard to understand our parent sometimes. My father was a abuser. He taught me not to be one. Sometime bad examples make us become better. Your story is common. Thank you dear Taylor for sharing the powerful story.
Coyote