a suicide

My name is Sarah Fitzgerald I'm from a small town of Adrian Georgia. I live with my mom and dad and step brother Sam. I'm moving up state to san Francisco my dad has got a new job at the biggest business in san Francisco and my mother she is a pharmacist she used to be a pageant queen. My step brother is from my dads previous marriage she died of cancer and so he moved in with us. He's athletic and full of soccer he runs all the time and trains really hard he has a girlfriend names Mia. She is a cheerleader and runs all prom activities. Then there is me Sarah my best friend is Lenora Reynolds we have been childhood friends she lives next door to me and since we was younger we have been friends. She is on the cheerleading squad. We never thought leaving each other was an option but my dad says its time to. You know how teacher tell you the world is full of opportunities I guess this is my opportunity to see the world. I just never thought it would be before high school was even over. I climb into the mini van waving to my best friend who ill never see again and a moment washes over me. My dad starts to drive off into the world of loneliness. I hear Sam talking to Mia how will he ever survive without his girlfriend to keep him on top of his game. I'm not into the whole group thing that is at are school I always stayed out of it . I write my own books those never had one published those but Lenora always said they was good. Mom and dad are talking about the job and house we are moving into. I remember one time when me and Lenora was out in the yard playing and she saw Adam Denver on his skateboard she looked at me and said wouldn't it be great to be with a guy who is so popular and full of life and good looking we both looked at each other and said nope. Guys like him Lenora would say come from California the capitol of all hot guys. But a week later her and Adam was dating. Believe it or not she is still dating him. I never had a boyfriend I wasn't attractive enough. I mean she had all the looks and the talent guys always wanted her. Now I'm moving to the capitol of all hot guys and I don't have my best friend with me. I don't get Sam half the time he says he doesn't love Mia but then he does and how he wants to fly her out to California when they settle down and my dad is telling him there is plenty of woman in California she can start dating. My dad doesn't seem to care that we had to leave everything back home. My mom used to live In Fresno California and she won miss California but lost miss usa to Gloria Vanderbelt she was always rude to mom she said she had better hair she married mom crush. She moved to Colorado and only comes to the class reunions. But mom says she has heard that she is now back in California living and mom is thinking of looking her up. She doesn't realize that no one wants to be friends with girls who are rude. But I continue to write my story on a girl who cant see and has to find her way around a big city all alone. I slowly drift off to sleep dreaming of the future in new York.

I wake up when I hear mom yelling. we have reached Tennessee and we are at the gas station filling up on gas. I go into the store I want to find some snacks and use the bathroom. Mom is yelling at Sam she says he need to let go of Mia. Mia doesn't want Sam to live in California but he wants to because they have a better soccer team then are small town. Mia kind of think she owns him and he never says anything to her other then ill try. Mom doesn't think its healthy but he's not her son so she cant really say much. Sam lives in a world of soccer he watches it and only talks about soccer. He's good at it but that's all he lives for nothing else could ever satisfy him. I hate long car rides with family they always talk about how life will be better and great  but how when we left everything back home are friends and are home we grew up in. I understand that grandma lives in California but I only like to visit her not live here. I close my eyes and hope that I never wake up until we are finally there. Mom says grandma I going to wait at are new house and she made some food so that we can eat when we get there. My grandma is very old fashioned she doesn't even own a TV she says books are always better which is true for the most part. But state after state and town after town I get farther and farther ways from my friends. Sam is talking about his dumb old soccer when he tells me about all the stupid sports games and activities that our new school offers and how back home they never had it. We finally reached California I hear dad say to mom. Home sweet home dad says. We finally pull up to are new house. Its bigger than are house back home. Looks like a mansion. Me and same pick are own rooms. Mom tells us that school starts earlier here and that tomorrow is the first day. The first day into a new world where I know nothing.

First day of school and I can hear Sam down in the kitchen. I climb down the stairs and mom is rushing around she has a job interview today and dad is already at work. I see the school come up on the right how I wish I didn't have to go. Sam is getting lots of looks girls love him. I know he has soccer try outs but does he always have to look like he just got done playing. kids give me looks. I can hear them talking behind my back. One kid looks at me and says where did you wash up from. The girl in back says to me the zoo called they want there monkey back. I find an empty seat in back when the teacher introduces me. I hear snickers all around. I hear them say I look like a monkey. One girl says I need to wear make up. the other says make up wont help her. Where did she come from. I ignore it because I know I'm new I know that its always hard the first day. They throw food at me thy mock me. Girls gang up on me talking bad to my face. I go home each day and not let anyone know what's going on. I sign into Facebook hoping to find Lenora on but she's busy with her cheerleading buddies. I see many friends request and they all added me. I accepted thinking they would just need to get to know me but they attack me from every single angle. Calling me a hoe and a s**t saying I am ugly and worthless and would be better off not here. It goes on for a whole year and even when I each 10th grade they still continue to call me names but only this time it has gotten worse. I have hidden it so long that my mom thinks I'm enjoying school. half way into my tenth grade year I went home and my mom and dad was at work and Sam was still at soccer. I got into Facebook when I saw that ben said he only asked me out was to make me feel better but he thought I was a waste of space. I started to cry I hated myself  just like they did. I wrote on my Facebook... I don't know what I ever did to deserve this. Maybe I am a waste of space. Maybe I don't deserve to live. I hate myself just as much as you guys do. I filled the tub with water and I can hear my Facebook  dings going off. I lay in the tub and slice my wrist and go under the water I can feel the life draining out of me. I hear Sam running up the stairs calling to me but I slowly drift in and out of space. I happen to look down at my body in the tub I see my step brother dialing 911. I see mom crying and dad hugging her the ambulance running into the room trying to revive me. they look at my mom and she breaks down crying. I float to heaven and come to a man. you must be god. He says to me I've been waiting for you. how did you know I was coming. I know when a lost soul needs me. He shows me my family crying. I see Lenora crying how she was my only friend and even she had no clue what was happening to me. I attend my funereal because everyone wants to in there life to see what people will say about you. I see my mother she looks so weak and tired. She stands there with a letter." you have been my only daughter and now I have lost you. I was to protect you and I failed my duties. I hope where ever you are that you no longer have to feel pain." Sam " Sarah I knew what was happening and I never once said anything. When I saw your Facebook post I knew I would be to late. I couldn't save you Sarah I wasn't there when you need me most. I'm so sorry Sarah. My dad didn't talk he sat there silent not even a tear fell from his face. Kids from school apologized to me they said how they didn't mean it but they did it they didn't realize to much can kill. Teacher are right the world is full of opportunities its full of hate and violence. There is war and no one sees the little things. My world ended in violence and hate. But I wasn't the last her name was Andrea she bullied me but she couldn't handle my death that she helped do so she killed herself. I'm sure she wont be the last either. 

Author's Note

written from Sarah's view point

Reviews

[DoormanDan]

This story you've written is great, and it's obvious that you are a good writer! :) I had a hard time reading it though because of the small font size. That aside, I really enjoyed reading it! Good work! :)

[taylorrose]

thank you it is kind of hard to read do to the font size but i also see a few mistakes that i missed. thank you for your nice words.