My Room

metaphorical dialogue with a negative person

your words press like fingers into my throat.

the air is escaping me,

pushed out by something worse. dread.

and here I am in your room. well it's not your room,

but I've made it your room.

once, it was mine.

sunlight, flowers, river water.

river water that flowed lazily downstream

as it kept all that it could,

all that surrounded it,

alive.

then the algae settled in,

subtle during its slow rise.

thick, slimy clouds

suffocated that river.

gnarled trees blocked any whisper of sun,

and flowers fell, one by one.

so what was left?

rocks, dirt, drought,

a darkness.  

and here I am in your room,

sitting in the soil, the shade.

this is not my first time here.

my eyes burn red with neglect,

skin like sand paper as it sits on this floor.

we could have closed this room,

but you have your foot caught in the door.

so open it stays, a path to a darker world.

but I've begun planting,

flowers, fruits, feelings.

soon it will return to my room,

and fresh, green air,

will fill my lungs with good.

and not a word spoken,

could weigh on my will.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

' .. thick, slimy clouds - suffocated that river. - gnarled trees blocked any whisper of sun, - and flowers fell, one by one. '

Those words near say it all until-. until you show your strengths, turn away from what you call negativity but i'd call selfishness. There's a sadness woven throughout but, as logic balances you emotion, colours drawn into your world, your tone more defined. You've retrieved what you might have lost:

Just read again and notice the touches of fine meter. Seems that adds yet more control overyour future. Great!

[Re-Pete]

this is pretty cool. so creatively descriptive, felt like i was right there in the midst of it. like the whole thing and clever ending ...