Thoughts of How

Sometimes I want to be able to read minds. It would help so much. No more lies would be told to me without me knowing the truth, and no one would be able to stab me in the back. 

Maybe I have so many problems because I trust to easily. I just want to be able to trust one person to not turn their back on me. I am worthless. It is true because if I was worth anything then there would be at least one person who still gave a damn about me.

Lynn is gone. I love him. No one understands how much I love him. He doesn't care. He used me just like Jordan said in the beginning. Why haven't I just gave up yet? I don't know. It kills me to see him so happy without me. He isn't who Lynn should be though. Maybe if he just got away from all the bad habits that were brought back into his life he could see me again like he did before. 

Lynn hasn't always been the best. I know that, but... but there are those moments when the stereotypical side of him that everyone judges him as leaves, then he is himself. The real him shows again. The side of him that saved my life. The side whose voice helped me from giving up and dying. No one knows. The night that we were in the emergency room until 1 am. 

Lately the Lynn that is showing wouldn't of cared, I would have never followed his voice back. I would have just let my soul rise from my body as it was. The Lynn lately wouldn't have been there calling my name, begging for me not to leave him. 

My begging wasn't good enough. I tried so hard, now all I can do is cry. 

My life has fallen apart. Thoughts of Lynn cross my mind everyday, every second. All of the promises and talks hit me harder each time I remember. I can't help but cry. Once one tear escapes millions more do the same. 

He now has me hooked. Lynn is the reason that I have my best friend. I had talked to her long ago when I was trying to be the type of girl he liked. It ruined my innocence. It ruined my good life. Now I am in this life, with no doors left to escape. I lost Jordan and gained Michael. Wether Michael will understand this is unknown.