Please don't call it my town I just live there

 I live in a town so small you can go from up-town to down-town...just by turning around ...where the newspaper is a pamphlet that comes out once a month...mostly about people who couldn't wait to get out...it's called "The Obituaries" but I know I saw Mrs. Lacey sneaking out of town real early one morning....a place where the only gun restriction is that you don't point it at your waitress.... where Andy Griffith goes to get away from it all...a town so small they still sell penny candies...you have to buy them by the dozen...and you only get four but.......where the only store sells guns & beer next to diapers & Viagra.....I remember this one time ...the whole town lost power....somebody tripped over the cord.... the mayor drives the school bus...we had a riot one time...two people went home for lunch...leaving me all alone....we had the same homecoming queen three years straight...time for a new one...if she graduates...where the closest hospital is so far away they usually just go to the cemetery...and wait....and the school is right next door....so you can see your future....a town so small you can look out your window and see who all your neighbors are doing...where everybody knows everything about everybody...unless you are new here like me...and I keep to myself....a town so small all the women's periods have synced up and for a few days a month they change the name to "Red River Valley"......someday my name is going to be on that pamphlet...one way or the other.

Reviews

[Keith]

Enjoyed the brief read! Thanks for posting, man. Cracked me up

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Terry, this is so good! :D
Your town is pretty entertaining on it's own!
Small town, yes but small hearts, no!
I love the part when the Mayor himself drives the school bus.
Hilarious write! Made me visit your cute town!

[Zugzwang]

Haha. I live in a city like that! (but I love it)

[Droll Prole]

Cool man, this is really good!

[terry smith]

thank you!!.

[Laura Lynn]

I feel like this, we just live in a place sometimes...it's just perfect;)

[terry smith]

thank you!:)

[Aries]

Hidden gem, this one. Made me laugh, reminds me too much of my town. That damn pamphlet. Haha.

[Calamityofgin]

You know i love this one...hysterical

[Davidgeo]

I don't myself have a technical (mechanical or technical?) review to insert. You gave me a very good laugh is enough to say

[SkinlessFrank]

hilarious...i actually live in a town like that though...right on the quebec-usa border...it's so small that when the women are ready to deliver their babies, the doctor needed a passport to deliver them

[.]

-- wow... this is stunning... it was like visiting your town... and sensing its temperament... -- that's tough to do with very few words... -- incidentally, i live in a small town too... (it's in the suburbs of new delhi, india)...