chapter 1: what's wrong with my eyes

"Come on bug let's go" my mom said my name is Nikki and i'm 13 years old.

i walked into the store with my mom "go look for something you like while i buy stuff ok bug" she said. I walked toward the candy isle as i picked out the snickers bar until I heard glass break I turned my head really fast and saw one of the co-workers drop

a glass cup his hand was bleeding. "What are you looking at" he said "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT" he screamed, i ran toward my mom and he was following me "jim stop scaring the kid " the cashier said. I stood behind my mom but when i looked up i saw a man with black rings under his eyes, blood all over him and pale as glue i blinked a couple of times then he was gone. then my mom got the grocceries and left,i opened the car door and sat in my seat and buclked up. My mom was talking to me but until on the corner of my eye i saw the co-worker coming out with a gun the cashier behind him covering his right arm, he was walking to our car "m-mom.." i said softly. "what are you looking at" i heard "m-mom" i tried to yell but the man came to my mom and then..

 

My eyes open very fast i sat up as i noticed i was sleeping in the closet again.

Author's Note

well hope u like it

Reviews

[Art300]

It's intresting=). Really good good start to get your audiance attention, but why are all your 'I's' lower case?>i

[NoAirToBreatheXSuffocat..]

whoaaaaaa im starting to like this. Could use some editing, but thats okay :))

[A.E. Reed]

Woah... can I say suspense? Haha! Good job, I really like way you abruptly said that you woke up. Can't wait for more.

One thing though? New speech tag for every time someone new talks. It helps not cause confusion.