Shattered

Broken

Breathless, the visions, pulsing, refined,

Choking and gasping. I'm dying.. rewind,

 

Emotions were pulling, our words so unkind,

Tugging but fading, your no longer mine,

 

Seeing. Believing.. no longer combined,,

You stole my damn heart and left me behind....

 

Reviews

[Misty Blue Eyes]

very nice touch to a world shattered as they want to rewind time and make it better.

[Brad]

whew! i know the raggedness of raw emotions this situation leaves a man, kudos for putting it out there so well and opening a few old wounds i had forgotten about....it's good to be able to invoke emotions in your reader like this

[Short.Nerd]

This was amazing. It had an amazing flow! Wonderful job (:

[Charles]

Again, an interesting display of punctuation. I like this better than the last one you asked me to review. There is a real rhythm here and good use of words. I wonder whether the 'your' in line 4 is purposeful or a mistyping of you're (with or without the apostrophe.

[Kes]

Wow, I really like this.
It's so sad, but the tone is so clever, you know? Like the 'rewind' and 'my damn heart'. It sounds sharp and angry, but doesn't stop the poem sounding sad.
Pretty amazing.

[Brianna Brie]

Awl...feeling this one! Great write!

[Fallacy Pharmacy]

I adore this poem, enough said...

[Marie Harrison]

Loved the rhyming in this poem and the stirring of emotions. Fabulous

[just rose.]

Great rhymes to describe an incredibly painful experience.

[Jenny Nelson]

Rhyme scheme is great! Fits well with the words. Hopefully we all have the ability to "rewind." Well chosen and clever words. Enjoyed this much.