Thirst

My lips are parched can't control the taste,

The paste on my tungue, from faminal waste,

By God's dearest grace, he'll release me from this place,

Dying slowly from the thirst I came to face,

My visions I chase, for the moment and place,

But giving this pace, I will find no trace,

Seeing nothing but massive lost space,

Giving in on this day i lay down and erase..

Reviews

[luciddreamer]

Great rhyming, also great writing :)
Peace
Robin

[Richard Williams]

There are some good images and a stark reality of emotion. The paste has altered tongue.

[.]

monorhyme..made easy...well done

[Cassiopia Summers]

Great rhyming, (:

[Maurice]

A sad story told in rhyme. Well done.

[Mauricio Montoya]

What I get from this write is hell on earth while seeking gods help to find peace. Excellent write.

[kuru]

thirst for something better to ..capture your dreams ...but you should never give in..theres always another day, hopefully..welcome back btw :)

[dovetailer]

Dying from thirst is a terrible way to go...
excruciating...I've heard...
mirages...a trick played on us by a dying mind...
you captured he hopelessness of being in the middle of nowhere
with no hope on the horizon...
Good write

[Dream Weaver]

Wilting in the desert heat, the mind plays tricks
on you. Mirages in abundance a slow death
ensues….. Nice piece my friend…

[Bard Constantine]

Certainly a bitter thought... it's amazing to think of our complete reliance on hydration and how quickly we fade without it. Honestly I felt the rigidity of your rhyme scheme prevented this from being a more flexible poem, it feels a bit stiff when read. A nice job overall, though...