Homocide

response to Suicide another poem of mine

Not thinking to cleary, my focus revenge,

It's one less to take care of it's what god intends,

 

The pain that you caused me, pursued back to you,

Mentally degrading the things I've been through,

 

I try to refrain but the thought becomes loud,

I think to let him go but i am far too proud,

 

The anger so pure my decision now known,

I take his life then I give to him my own..

Author's Note

just a quick write

Reviews

[Vin]

This was a pretty dark and powerful write. I love how concise how have been with expressive the raw emotion in this piece. Very impressed!

[TJ]

I feel like I've been saying this too much lately in my reviews but I love when a writer can get out what he/she is trying to say so beautifully and concisely! I love the cold feel of this poem and how emotionally charged is. Through these few lines we go through the anger, indecision, sadness, and submission of the narrator. I like how in the beginning he thinks he's doing God's will but in the end it's his own pride that forces him to go through with it. The end is especially good when the narrator sees by doing this he is giving his own life to this man (literally or figuratively).
Good Work.

[Joshua J. Certain]

So violent and beautifully phrased what a contrast

[Frifthor (D^2)]

Excellent piece, although I think it will definitely gain something when read aloud. The inflections you can put into this would be incredible. It works well as a written piece, but something tells me it needs to be read aloud.

[Leah Everett]

This was a powerful write and I really enjoyed the sinister atmosphere created within this poem. Loved it, well done! (:

intense. :) Enjoyed reading this!

[kurrupted]

great for a quick one, i love the twist and the lines connect good. as someone who grew up listening to ganstar rap and such rappers like NWA, Dr DRE, SNOOP (then), SCARFACE, ICE CUDE, ICE T and so on (i think 50's a b***h and so is lil' wayne).

I like the #rd na 4th lines but my mind just wont let me so i modified it
the pain that you caused me,
paused me?
nah into a monster it turned me,
pursued me back to you,
all am thinking now is pumping slugs in you,
unlike the columbine i wont die with you,
mentally degrading the things i've been through,
N***a f**k you

i could go on and on and on.....(kurrupted laughed out loud)

[Geralyn Miller]

Very powerful. yet very sad. "Revenge is a dish best served cold." as they say in Sicily. Death is never the cruelest punishment, often the worst thing you can do to someone who hurt you is to get on with your life and live happily. Nothing pisses off a cad who thinks they are the most important person in all the universe than you moving on like they didn't matter. Been there, done that; it was great.

[Michael of Gilead]

Is this a duality thing?

I kill myself for me?