Suicide

Clenching the divine in the palm of my hand,

Release is my options no room to expand,

 

Digging in deep for this vigorous trial,

Only to come back with a vicious denial,

 

Glistening once but now ominous my eyes,

Plainly just darkness no splits or divides,

 

My emotion now simple to others it spreads,

Gave one last look in the mirror and blew off my head..

 

Reviews

[Nina Kari]

very sad and very creative, great work with this one. i think the rhyming was strained but i still like it. its plain and simple it makes you wonder why the character commited such a act, what led to it u know?

[KL]

WOW! That last line took me by surprise. Your style is both poetic and incredibly blunt at the same time, and although it doesn't always appeal for me this poem floored me. Because suicide, as selfish as it can be, IS blunt and darkly poetic (taking ones life into ones own hands, it's crazy).

Spelling errors: Devine = divine, Vigerous = vigorous, Devides = divides

Hope that helps.

[Marlena]

I have to agree with some of the others. This needs to go through spell check again, more than anything else that should be done to it. Typos take away from the seriousness of the poem, so by leaving them you're just throwing your hard work down the drain. If you fix them, this piece would be a bit better. Also, some of the rhymes felt kind of forced- not every poem has to rhyme. Sometimes, an on-off scheme can actually make the piece a little more raw. It's a good start, but it needs some work.

[Miss Coral]

:o
Wow.
That was quite a piece.
Powerfully hitting, strongly worded.. nice job. I think that the flow was wonderfully done, and the rhyme scheme was subtle. I would run this through spell check, and perhaps add in some more punctuation in each line, but otherwise, great job.

[Ruth]

Goodness, love, this is hard hitting!
Suicide is never easy to word!
You have done so raw power!
Awesome
xx

[Adelia Alighieri]

It has depth and a very powerfully inclined structure. Goes with the concept. Great job.

[Sports Girl]

Very good poem. Nice job

[G. Anderson]

Again the rhyme sounds a little unnatural and is distracting from the piece.

However, you must know that committing suicide is just running away, and dumping your load on everyone else. It's a Coward's Destiny. Even when we think those who've hurt and damaged us deserve to put up with our s**t, for perhaps they've inflicted it, it still does not reflect your character well.

Sometimes we just want to give up and forget about everything, and take the easy way out. Well don't. It hurts many people, even ones that do not deserve to be. This poem really outlined your pain and showed us you're fed up with some things. Just get it out this way and know that suicide is not an escape- it's the gateway to more pain and hurt.

[Cristal Bridges]

Wow! This is a sad but powerful impacting poem. Crazyily dark and dismal but sometimes true I suppose. Just wow is all I can really say.

[Nicole]

wow................................ummmmmmmmmm
I actually thought it was really really good and descriptive