Thank You Dad

My back sore from the ripped flesh just torn,

My face in the corner, tears drop as I mourn,

 

I fear that the same will go next to my brother,

Though I know through my actions he'll be saved by my mother,

 

I fall to my knees he yells back unclear words,

Telling me still all the things i deserved,

 

Hate it or love it this is the way I protect,

He takes from my inocence through pain and neglect,

 

But at least my families safe from what he could do,

I take all the hits to keep the evil from you...

Reviews

[thedaydreamer]

Sad. The flow is good. The gruesome scene you intend to picture is vivid. I hope it's not based on reality but an imagination from some corner of your mind.

To point out some problems that I found, I guess, the 2nd line "My face in the corner tears drop as I morn,", is not up to the mark, the other lines have set. "Cornet tears" isn't a proper expression. You can re-frame it in any other way. Instead of that, is that word "morn" or "mourn" ?

Keep writing. :)

[.]

{jeeez--what a powerful poem...very well expressed-
-you can feel the trouble/sacrifice and pain in this-
really--a very strong-affecting poem---i love it !!!}

james:-)

[Jason Galliger]

this is a very dark, disturbing piece. It seems to have a similar theme to your other piece I read, governmental welfare. I noticed a tiny edit: you left out the u in mourn.

[Onyx_Rayne]

Whoa.. what a poignant write... filled with disturbing imagery and emotion.

"I fall to my knees he yells back unclear words,
Telling me still.... the things i deserved,"

Too often this goes on and people prtend not to know.. they pretend not to see or hear anything.

"But at least my families safe from what he could do,
I take all the hits to keep the evil from you..."

Theses last two lines show that despite the horrible situation, there is still a heart filled with love.. for the rest of the family.

This is a very moving write... Excellent work.

[Leanne Conway]

Wow, This sad and powerful =(