Thank You Dad

My back sore from the ripped flesh just torn,

My face in the corner, tears drop as I mourn,

 

I fear that the same will go next to my brother,

Though I know through my actions he'll be saved by my mother,

 

I fall to my knees he yells back unclear words,

Telling me still all the things i deserved,

 

Hate it or love it this is the way I protect,

He takes from my inocence through pain and neglect,

 

But at least my families safe from what he could do,

I take all the hits to keep the evil from you...

Reviews

[Madame Mystique]

The imagery is heartbreaking very well written.
:) thanks for sharing

[.]

that is intense and awful to visionalize but things like this need to be written especially as emotionally as this is. really hard read but rewarding

[Liza]

domestic violence is the silent killer of many homes
a place where children and a woman are to be protected
this was intense and my heart goes out to those that have to live through this
many people are affected by a man's violence
the woman that stays with her abuser because he's controlled her
she feels the fear for her children
is it best to have a father like this or try to survive the pain of not having one
this kind of stuff triggers so much inner turmoil in me; i've seen it plenty and its affected those i love the most
i really hate when men use children to manipulate women they say they love

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

a dark movement ~ a price to pay~ no one ever deserves this kind of treatment~ especially a child~ gripping and filled with sorrow~

[Khaaki]

very good poem... its short but conveys enough to keep u hooked on...

[Revolved]

This is really good! it looks short but I read it slowly and caught each word. It's amazing! You just forgot to capitalize one i. That's all! Wonderful piece :D

[Wicahpi]

No one should have to go through these tragic events.
a painful write that turned out good in my view.

[Quaddeth]

Reading some of the observations below I have to exclaim that a poem is an emotional story, personal to oneself, only we can understand our own form and need not justify it to others. The corruption of the original poem leaves it a conscious craft of an audience and I believe poetry isn't audience imposed, if a reader isn't able to relate to a poem then they simply give constructive feedback and move on.

Moving on I believe that the poem is very dark, almost in an awkward fashion in terms of the raw emotion that is present, a very introvert piece which I enjoyed. Thanks.

[Bard Constantine]

I always enjoy when a poem differs from the expectations I had from the title. Not that this was a pleasant read, to say, but... a necessary write, I believe. Unfortunately I can relate to this poem only too well. As far as the form, I can add nothng that our peers have not noted. Your words are absolutely soaked with emotion, definitely expressing the pain...

[Dinesh Sairam]

"Though I know through my actions he'll be saved by my mother"

I suggest "Though I know he'll be saved by my mother", just for maintaining the length and making even.

"Telling me still.... the things i deserved"

Some adjective could be inserted between 'The' and 'things'. Oh and remove the '....' :)

"Hate it or love it this is the way I protect,
He takes from my inocence through pain and neglect,

But at least my families safe from what he could do,
I take all the hits to keep the evil from you..."

These two are the best lines. Flawless and great. Emotional in the ending.

If this really happened to you.. Well, I don't wanna imagine. I wish it to stop.. :(

Keep writing, friend.