The Last Breath

The taste, misplaced, not one for me to waste,

The glory the grace, no need to be defaced,

Its time, our prime, a gift of all mankind,

The fear of whats near, not mine to decline,

No wait! my fate, something none should take,

But still, the deal, left me no appeal,

Your hope, uncloaked, please do not revoke,

Restate, untaint, my emotions left as blank,

Regret, respect, hope god is then whats next,

The line, declines, the flat is near its time,

I pray, please stay,

Your tears touch my skin as my last breath slips away........

Reviews

[A.Lee]

I really like this one! Excellent job with the structure and rhyme. It can be hard to make a poem meaningful when you have to put so much into the meter and proper rhyme, but you did a great job. I love the last line. Excellent write all together.

[Pikachu]

hmmm its a deep sensual moment explained in a stanza great job

[.]

cleverly rhymed, I liked the choppy way it was structured. excellent work.

[KaySea]

amazing. great use of words

[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong poem. I been in situation with my family. Where regret and forgiveness is given in the last moments of life. I like the language in your poem. You create a very good story. I like the ending. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

I like the line..Your hope, uncloaked, please do not revoke,
I feel the emotion is just right here.
I would suggest you should not worry much about rhyming of the words or their flow in general,let them be..if the emotion is right the poem as a whole would be a lovely piece too..what i am trying to say here is that i feel in many parts here,cause you wanted to rhyme the words or may be set them to a rythm,you ended up adding words which may not be required for the theme here.
That said i feel this was well written, and it is wonderful how you have just left the last line open..as in my last breath slips away..and you have left it like that..and not adding on to it..

[.]

awesome alliteration!!!
great write my friend!!!
wonderful read---Love It!!!

james:-)

[Addie]

I LOOOOOVE the alliterations and rhymes! It flows so well. Great piece! =)

[HorrorMaster]

Very good poem, I enjoy it.

[Nina Kari]

I like it. It reads easily and its understandable. Last line is my favorite, though. Sorta sounds like a rap. I agree with Dinesh, but not completly. The tittle goes with some of it, so I guess it counts. Over all I like it. Its good. :)