I dont care to stay with the liveing

feeling blue

I can’t stand to look at myself anymore, hear my own voice. Even now when I shout out loud to those I know I speak in faint whispering wails that cloud my head and make me dizzy and exhausted. I don’t know why I’ve done the things I’ve done with all those men and people. I don t know who or what to blame. Maybe my father, mother, brother or the other version of myself that was taken from me before I even had a chance to bloom. I’m stuck now or trapped in this version of me that’s eating away at my depleted soul. To be cursed with an old soul is to be cursed with burdens and have a fate of becoming one. A burden to oneself others and your own vain unsatisfied atmosphere. I don’t know what I’ve done to fate to be in this cruel and bitter state and I’m afraid of what it has in store. I know I’m shallow that’s where I lie, in shallow waters just underneath surface and breakthrough drowning and choking over again, water filling my eyes drowning me filling my lungs closing my throat and killing me harshly, slowly. But I won’t vanish, a fate to kind I just lay before my surface in a constant state of death.  The truly disappointing part is that I haven’t lived yet, at 16 years of being undead I was never even born to life just brokenness and disappointment that swallowed me hole, I was born to another womb called life and I don’t even get to live it. “ I don’t care to stay with the living”

Reviews

[Levi Levin]

Very descriptive piece! No matter what has happened to us, it's never too late to start over again. Sometimes it means letting negative friends go and making new friends that are positive. Always be willing to change yourself to become a more positive, goal-seeking person. Let the past go and reach towards a new future. God has a plan and purpose for you!

[Gray]

I felt similar when I was younger. 16 is pretty young, you have years ahead of you to find a way out of these feelings. Happiness is not a state of mind you finally find. Everyone will go through hills and valleys in life. I've seen many arrogant people who think they're safe in life because they have no big problems and the way ahead looks clear....then one day....BOOM something happens. All things must pass. That's what I say to myself all the time. Good luck.

[Tara]

Thank you.