Standing under the rain

            Standing under the rain, looking up to the sky... it reminds me of a time when you would put your arms around me, holding me close, from the back. Standing here, remembering the kisses that would rain down as if from the sky like the drops of water. Little blessings and miracles, something I should have never taken for granted. I can almost feel your breath against my skin again... something so warm, so alive.

 

That’s how you made me feel you know, alive...

Alive in your arms, safe as well...

 

            I hope you are safe and happy now, that someone can give you what I couldn’t give you no matter how hard I tried. I can never be the safe harbour for you as you are for me. Even now, pass time and space. Your phantom here, wrapping yourself around me again and showering me with kisses... even after I betrayed you, left you hurt and alone.

 

“I hear laughter in the rain.
Walking hand in hand with the one I love” ~

            Hearing the song that meant so much to us in my mind, I start to sway, to dance to it. My hand in yours, head held high, your hand on my waist... Dancing like what we did so many times before, something we found so natural like breathing. Breathing, sharing the same air... Slowly the song comes to an end, like how everything comes to an end... in the end.

 

An end...

There is no end to love is there?

 

            A cry escapes my lips... Don’t leave! Don’t exchange my hand for another in this dance of life. The remembered warmth leave... leaving me shivering in the wake of the icy cold. Forcing me back into reality, slowly I open my eyes and laugh despairingly, wretchedly... Folding into myself now, kneeling on the soil. Fighting for self control, for just a foothold of sanity... all I need is a moment.

 

Looking up to the sky,

Salt water bleeds into the fresh water from the sky

 

            Crying, sobbing brokenly. Like a rock on the ground... no, not a rock, a pebble. Insignificant in the scheme of things, nothing more then a whisper in time... That’s how much we mean. Feeling more fragile then spun glass, the raindrops are falling heavy, hiding this venerability from prying eyes. Tears pours from my eyes, trying to match the rain one for one...

 

A moment to trace the words

“Here lies...”

 

            My heart, my soul... the other half of me. Looking around, seeing as if the first time the amount of tomb stones. Knowing that I am neither the first nor the last in my grief...

 

Spent rain, droplets falling to the ground

Waking from a dream

 

            Spent now... my tears, my grief. I place a lone white rose on your grave and turn to walk away from you again... as I have done so many times when you were alive, when I should have held you tight. Goodbye again love...