Only words to keep you alive!

Sometimes only words live forever.

Born in the same room to different parents,

We spent our childhood together hand in hand,

Intellectual battles began each year,

There were so many exams to clear.

Carried apart through time and space,

We wrote emails and followed several calls.

My veins had blood but love I felt,

Moon was our mirror and earth our home.

Never we felt the pinch of thousand miles,

We were blessed with feelings of truth and no lies.

Years have rolled by and love has blossomed so strong,

Everything feels right and nothing can go wrong.

 

Years later we planned to meet,

We could no longer wait for each other to greet.

She looked beautiful than ever on the destined time,

Only a few paces away on the other side of the road.

She smiled, then she laughed and tears flowed from her eyes,

For this moment we lived and the wait was now over.

She ran towards me like a gusty wind,

While I drank coffee and my emotions pinned.

Next, what happened I still live to tell,

The car ran over and her body fell.

Several years have passed and I live with her memories,

No peace in this world or breakthrough discoveries.

Discovered in her  diary were the first 12 lines,

Her work unfinished, I am ending here with few good-bad rhymes.

Author's Note

Please be very strict on my errors. I want to grow and evolve as a good writer and you are my mentor who will help me achieve the same.

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

You've got a good one here, TanMay. the story, though sad is pretty good. Having love for someone or something, a passion if you will and losing it is devastating. There are grammatical things to look at,
more in the way the sentences are sometimes jumbled i.e.
Never we felt the pinch of thousand miles,
We were blessed with feelings of truth and no lies.
This could read
we never felt the pinch of endless miles
we felt blessed with truth but no lies
It may help when writing to read the poem out loud to hear how it sounds.
All in all a good job, Keep going.

[tanmay7551]

Thanks Ted for this constructive review, will help a lot.

[Valentine]

You are doing very well as far as I can see. just read many other types and keep writing. We all learn as we write more. Valentine

[tanmay7551]

Thank you so much for your uplifting words!

[Anindita Janhabee]

Reading this by my emotions, I'm so sorry that I couldn't find any error here, it might be possible if I did read by grammar....
A sad incomplete story here, with memories if the time spent together, it's like, God departed two souls before they'd meet and showed how much cruel he can be.... But one thing is that true love never dies, no matter the. distance, you'll always feel close to the loved one........
very sentimental...i love the way of rhyming too....

[tanmay7551]

Thank you so much for your analysis on the subject. Your words indeed flows better than I could have written on any day. So true...

[Anindita Janhabee]

It's my pleasure reading... and thank you...

[horizon]

i've never liked this type of end it makes me cry..: but that's destiny...very sweet lines in 1st stanza..i loved them...

[tanmay7551]

Thanks for your kind words!

[V]

I like the content although dramatic/sad. Yet I also think as Jacob said before in his review that your writing comes across rather metaphorical. To me it feels like growing something and then losing it again, suddenly.
Nonetheless, it's clearly penned which is nice but I also think it could use a better structure. Moreover, I do have the impression that you sort of forced your lines to be rhyming...poetry doesn't always have to rhyme, you could have also expressed it a tad more prosaic, it would have emphasized the mood of the poem..in my opinion..

[tanmay7551]

Thanks Vanessa for your constructive review and suggestions. It will help.

[V]

You're welcome. I'm glad think it's constructive.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

talk about destiny...but this feels more metaphorical to me...she is the muse...

and before she could reach me for an embrace so i could finish the poem...tragedy befell her...and we never quite connected...even though that writer part of me, grew together from birth.

[tanmay7551]

Thanks Jacob for your kind review and insight on the subject.

[Devanshi]

Wow! The words rhyme so beautifully...I actually made a tune for this...But then I read the end and I realized it wasn't a song. The whole poem goes smoothly..everything happy happy...and then the ending comes so unexpectedly!! Good work!! You are really good at poems!! KEEP WRITING!!

[tanmay7551]

Thanks Devanshi!

As always your words are inspiring and will keep me motivated.

[Devanshi]

My pleasure! :)