Me or This Disease

Down day

I can’t remember the last time I was happy

Genuinely with no particular reason 

The breakdowns come on a whim

And the darkness always seems to win

 

There’s fleeting moments of smiles

Afternoons of laughs

But where’s the line of what’s real

Inside there’s nothing to feel

 

I wear a mask even with friends

They say they understand

But when you’re the most down

Where to turn? Where to look around?

 

I want love and to be loved

Instead I feel out of control

Always grasping, almost in sight

But in the end nothing feels right

 

Can’t tell if it’s me or this disease

 

There’s times where I feel myself

Or at least what I want to be

Weeks go by and I think I’ve won

Then my thinking comes undone

 

Sleep feels so natural

Get lost in the dark, never to emerge

Spiraling down with the bad thoughts

Sneaking pills, don’t get caught

 

Anything to take away this unnatural pain

That comes and goes so easily

I want to be normal, to live my life

Instead it’s a battle to stay alive

 

Can’t tell if it’s me or this disease

Reviews

[Katethepoet]

"Sleep feels so natural
Get lost in the dark, never to emerge
Spiraling down with the bad thoughts
Sneaking pills, don’t get caught"
I think these lines perfectly describe the hopelessness of depression. I enjoyed your poem and your commitment to the rhyme scheme.