Wish Away

This is my first ever Villanelle.

 

I wait for a shooting star to light the way

Set ablaze for a moment to race the night sky

With a future so dark and home so far away

 

Seems each morning I awake to a world so gray

Then guided to the night as I barely get by

I wait for a shooting star to light the way

 

Dreams provide comfort and room to play

But in living life I find I am led awry

With a future so dark and home so far away

 

I swear, something has to give today

As the sun sets my hopes run dry

I wait for a shooting star to light the way

 

I'll settle for a sign, everything will be okay

And to feel that I’m not Karma’s fall guy

With a future so dark and home so far away

 

Night finds me with tears and a bottle of cabernet,

Feeling so sorry for myself asking WHY?!

I wait for a shooting star to light the way

With a future so dark and home so far away

Author's Note

This is not about me. I did feel like this once upon a time, but not anymore. Life doesn't change by wishing it alone.

Reviews

[Fran Marie]

For this being your first attempt at the Villanelle Form , it is a very well crafted piece

and you carried your 2 rhymes thru~ out, to the tee ~ also repeating verbatim the two repeating

lines~ so many do not follow the exact rules~ and vary on the repeated lines~ Well done

in both form and content my friend~Fran Marie

[Lafayette]

Very lovely done.

[R E Tree]

Better then what I could ever do on my first attempt. You were born a writer and I am very pleased by this poem it has made my day. Great poems make my day happier

[Ari]

I'm not terribly familiar with this form, though you have caught my attention, and I may try it out myself. I do have a suggestion, though. Some of your lines, especially the two repeating lines, sound very fluid and professional. Some others, however, such as "And to feel that I'm not Karma's fall guy" are a bit jarring and seem, to me, as though they belong in another sort of poem. It was a bit frustrating to read this poem and see the beautifully flowing lyrical quality, only to have it periodically disturbed by lines such as this.

Then again, it could be part of the form and I'm just not familiar enough with it to know that. Just some thoughts.

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

This form worked well for your subject matter. Perhaps, we've all been in this place and searching for some light at one time or another. Well done, Sharon

[shadadakiya]

very good work i can relate to this I'd say we all can from time to time!!!!

[Emily Rose]

Wow, you wrote a solid, form-following villanelle! You are definitely to be commended - it's a form I've often looked at but never had the guts to write. Your ideas flow in a easy-to-follow pattern too - everything makes sense. I think by the end the rhymes begin to feel a little more forced (I kinda got the feeling that you were running out of ideas) but nonetheless it's a very good piece. Well done!

[Jet Lag]

wow, that is some great rhyming! impressive!

[Brianna Brie]

I swear, something has to give today
As the sun sets and my hopes run dry
I wait for a shooting star to light the way

Tamme, this one is perfectly painted and your author's note is ever so true. Kudos!

[Raef C. Boylan]

I liked the line
"And to feel that I'm not Karma's fall guy".

You've done a good job with this Villanelle; I struggle to write anything worthwhile using restrictive structures. Well done.
Thanks for sharing.

p.s.
"But in living life I find I am lead awry" [lead = led]