The Sirens

Believe in the confidence that wills itself to take on desire
And all might be fine
But, allowing a moment to slip by,

Waiting for something better
Might just leave the soul hungry

Without knowing why

This ravenous soul hesitates when it should run
And sleeps when it should seek out the world
The sorrowful character wanders aimlessly
Or worse...
Led to the darkest valleys of the tallest mountains
Quickly, the memory of radiant sunrises become lost
With the serenity of the sun melting into the horizon.


Lost and famished
Beyond recovery

Death has come to resemble an ally.
But this soul is addicted to the soaking sound of desperation in the air
Singing songs that the spirit adores,
The tone, pitch, melody all perfect,
Tethered to my heart

So on the song plays
With my scampering soul
Desiring to believe in my confidence
And I might be fine.

 

Reviews

[Robert Luna]

I love the idea of Sirens and the power of their enchanting song that has been responsible for leading so many sailor to their death. Over all I really loved the way you did this piece and the way it flowed so great. The imagery was wonderful and really easily seeped into my mind. Very enjoyable read and great story.



Wonderful Job!!!!

[Emily Rose]

A very interesting sentiment. I like the way this moves, although I admit that sometimes I cannot follow it when it jumps around.

A few lines need a little attention, too: In the line: "Death has come resemble an ally" I think you mean "Death has come TO resemble an ally" because without the "to" the line doesn't make much sense. The same goes for this line: "Tethered to which is my heart" - do you mean "tethered to THAT which is my heart?" It might be much simpler and more direct to say "tethered to my heart" but, of course, this is your choice. Also, you may want to cut down the the ellipsis, at least the ones that begin the phrase as well as end them (i.e. "...or worse..."). One or two uses of ellipsis can be quite powerful, but more than that and they become unnecessary and distracting.

I did like this, but it needs a bit of cleaning up to make an okay poem great.

[Twisted Words (Tom)]

I had to take a peak at what you entered this site with, and I'm glad I did because this is deep and moody.

[Diana Owen Busy with Li..]

this is really great... keep up the good work.

[Greg the Bard]

I though when you first read the title that we were going to read about Sireens but who would know. Easy to read good tempo with great meter. I like the ending like it is. This reminds me of Tolken. It is not as simple as first you read it. Great image

[Nana Carmine]

wow. I really like it- even if it is just bulk in your head- but it comes out really well. I love your poetry and this is no exception.
Good job

[Dorothy]

Over all I really like it! Good job on describing the essance of the Sirens. The ending is good, I like it. But then again I am weird so you might not want to take my word for it. :)

[Chillbear Latrigue]

I'm sure that I like the end. I read it out loud to get effect. I really like the dark undertones. They are not subtle but not in your face either. Do you ever read to audiences? Sorry, I know questions don't belong in reviews. I'm not sure "allie" should be capitalized. It took me out of the moment trying to figure out if you were referring to a person. Other than that I loved it all.

[Ivory]

I think its a good piece, but there is rom to improve.
The flow was a little off to me, goes in different directions.
I think you should give it some time, and think how to add to this piece.
Still a good write : )

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

A good piece you have here.....I always have to come back to whatever I write and change something, but sometimes I do this to much and loose the original meaning. Its a good piece and if you change it let me know so I can see what change it went through.

Keep up the great work!!!