Mental Illness innit

First thing I've written in over a year.

I swear it’s just boredom,

Or just one bad day.

But how can one be so lifeless,

And just call it boredom, they say?

 

So, I studied psychology,

Hoping to find,

a way to escape the dark of my mind.

 

And I learnt of definitions,

That my traits demonstrated in repetitions,

Though I blew it all off,

And called it a superstition.

 

And I thought that depressed people didn’t miss sunsets,

And was happy to diagnose happiness off of these bets.

I would justify that I didn’t have bipolar,

I simply suffered from moods that were irregular.

 

My ability to cut people off that I love?

Nah, that’s just my self-worth, it knows when to come.

I’d swear I’m not manic,

And that people and places didn’t make me panic,

 

That the clutter in my room,

Wasn’t meant to indicate the level of gloom,

And that those twelve hours of screen time,

Just meant that time was mine.

 

But I dropped out of psych,

And lost interest in everything I used to like.

I lost direction,

And every good and healing thing faced my rejection.

 

Hobbies became non-existent,

And socialising was faced by my resistance.

The darkest of days,

Felt like an exhausting, confining maze.

 

So I went to a church,

For purpose I did search,

Though all that I found,

Was that I still didn’t have enough serotonin to go around.

 

I’m 22 now, and wish my life would pause,

I’m starting to realise a therapist might be a good cause.

Though I’m slow to change, even when it’s for the best,

Find me in five years when the sadness has left my chest.

 

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

Brilliant Tamika. It's obvious that your poem is an honest take on your personal experience of this horrid affliction. I am also bipolar and I know that everyone has a different experience of this illness. For me it hasn't been all negative because it has kick started my creative writing.
Take care,
Alan

[Najam Us Saher]

I can relate to this. The last line just hit me hard, I loved the way you carefully picked words to express what you are going through.

When you feel everything in life is ending, just remember it is preparing you for a new beginning.

[Tamika]

Thank you for your kind words, I’m sorry you could relate.

[Coyote Poetry]

The world is having a hard time. Hard on the children my friend.
"I’m 22 now, and wish my life would pause,
I’m starting to realise a therapist might be a good cause.
Though I’m slow to change, even when it’s for the best,
Find me in five years when the sadness has left my chest."
I do understand the above lines. Maybe next year will more easy on us. Thank you dear friend for sharing your amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Tamika]

Thank you Coyote, always lovely to receive your thoughts and review on my writing.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my dear friend.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

These are powerful and emotional words that resonate because being manic depressive I see all the signs of them in my life. Everything you described I lived and endured. It is a daily war within myself in all honesty. Thank you for sharing your words with us.

[Tamika]

I am so glad that I could give you a piece of writing that you understand and appreciate.