Confusion

Trying some Story Telling

He was standing alone in the edge of a rocky height, wondering the time where he was with this experience.

The time he first met her an extraordinary event occurred, He was fighting his strange verse of his heart the feeling where the end and the beginning is near. It was far ahead when the feeling have been abolished by someone, it's like a thread have been pulled around his cornerstone.

Then on the next event he was at the fair where he was wandering around a cafeteria, a blanket of air entered the room around a corner, the air was spectacular for it was colorful.

The time he turn his face to the road, a flash of light enveloped him, He was traveled to a distant place unknown to people.

The place was enveloped by darkness, He explored the area and found a town nearby. It was empty only cries that appeared from every corner. He tried to call someone but there were no sounds that answers. He explored until he found a well, this well produced gold and silver fishes. He was baffled and out of curiosity he touched one fish, the fished turned violet and the place started to shine, he was startled and pack some gold not knowing that the gold is just an illusion, the town have lived and people started to walk on streets, the villagers gather where the man stood, the people called him a hero but suddenly a blanket of ice, air, rocks and fire enveloped him and he vanished. The time passed by and the man appear in the streets where he lived, he was shocked of the events happened and the curiosity lead him to his place, he searched for the place whom was called torment but the place was nothing to be found. He was baffled and try to reach for his pack when he remembered the gold whom he get in the fountain, the gold was glittering and its glaze was beautifully extravagant. The time comes and he sold the gold and he became rich, all he wants was he gets until an accident happened, He was in a coma for several years, He woke up one day with questions in his mind, he ask himself why he stole the gold and why he was too greedy. The questions was filled with answer when he dreamed of himself being a stranger in his eyes. He left his domicile with strange feelings and the questions was pouring with answers.

Author's Note

What do you think about the story??

Reviews

[Rachid Amrani]

There is a lot of creativity and talent in your story. It captivated my attention the moment I read the first line. And sentence after sentence, I was eager to know what would happen next. You possess a rich stock of vocabularies and not any vocabularies. Your words are well chosen and have that poetic touch in them. I would say you have very impressive story telling skills on top of your skills as a poet.

The only thing I would watch for Tom is the use of tenses and the Verb-subject agreement rule. Also I would watch for repeating the same words more than once in a paragraph or two adjoining paragraphs.

From what I gathered this was probably your first attempt in story telling, and for a first-timer, you did an amazing job.

have one more suggestion, is it possible if you expand on the story, make it longer. I know you can and you have the talent to do it. Just a suggestion.

Thank you for sharing your story, it was pleasure reading it.

Rachid

[Tom]

Okay, I might as well fix it
Thanks