Incurable

Another oldie i never posted

 

A hole to fill,

to end my pains.

Sands of time

are ebbing grains.

 

Against my will,

your mark remains,

and shall until,

I break the chains

 

It makes me ill,

what heart contains.

Your poison still

runs through my veins.

Reviews

[Red Brick Keshner]

It is quite impossible to find naturally seamed in rhymes in poems these days. Eureka, found one right here! The ease and manner of your language expresses itself with excellent fluidity and grace, as well as the cadence of its rhythm and pace. A poem well worth reading and sharing. Bring out more of your unpublished stuff! I say.

[mick weller]

a list is to be made... we can all find reasons not to
loosen one link - that's all it takes

[O!]

I hope we're over those days, else am gonna kick ure a*s!! LOL

U used to write alot when u were back then.....did u realise that?

good and to the point...kinda painfree actually! ;-)

x,
O!

[CharlieO]

Such a great write - very concise and emotive.

This write so well written - with so few words you have managed to describe so much emotion, a whole back story. Your diction is consistently good - allowing you to create so much imagery in a limited word count.
I think your use of rhyme is interesting here. The simple male rhyme is simple and, not to be rude, childlike, but this is wonderfully complicated and constrasted with the subject matter. This is a really cleve effect.
Congrats on this write.

[Adela Muresan]

I like the cadence o this. Love is also, in my opinion a kind of poison.
The frustration of feeling something you don't want, is palpable.

A.M.

[...]

This is one of the very few poems where I actually, wholly enjoy the rhyming. :]

Very nice. ^^

[bailish]

And how do you break the chains? And will the poison stop flowing when the chains are broken? Are these one and the same?

I shouldn't have read Tai Chi's review, 'cause now I only see the pun in the first line myself. lol

[Tai Chi Italy]

I hate to be flippant on this lovely writing of your hearts discontent Jon! but that first line begged a dirty pun from Tai!lol I am so sorry for your pain, here let me suck it out!lol winking at you, Tai