20%

I smile as I write this
but I don't know why
blocking out what I miss
I let out a sigh

I've created a distance
between me and my pain
despite the resistance
of heart versus brain

I can switch it off now
and just turn a shoulder
though i find it strange how
it feels good to be colder

and i've paid up plenty
for committing no crime
thoughts still with you twenty
percent of the time

Reviews

[Anna Marie]

I never really contemplated the percentage of time that I spend dwelling on people and the past. It's good that its only 20% and that as Bubo states, a horrid 99%. The rhyme of this piece was perfect and natural. The first stanza didn't seem to mingle in so well... it jutted out and bothered me. The rest of the piece was strong and saddening... just as intended.

[wolfshrew]

this was strung together so greatly. i would have loved for it to go on and on.
clever to say the least, it was a treat.

[EliJoLee]

woww.
lovee it.
this work really captivated me.
the word choice such as
"I've created a distance
between me and my pain
despite the resistance
of heart versus brain"
very poetic
the whole things is just glorius!

[D. Elizabeth]

Jon every single piece you write, captivates me. It makes me insanely jealous. I absolutely loved this line.."despite the resistance
of heart versus brain " It's poetically outstanding, and brilliantly executed. You amaze me. I am so glad you are sharing your works. - xo D.E.

[Adela Muresan]

Sounds like a good solution � to ignore the pain and remain cold � but the memories remain there dough, ready to make you weak when you fall.

It's a great poem :) . Cheers!

[Jon Watkins]

This is my favorite thing i've read here on Writers Cafe so far. It really shows a great thought process and rhyme progression

[T. L. O'Neal]

The flow and rhyme of this is excellent, I hear what you're saying in stanza two. Sometimes it helps to turn away from a relationship. T

[Lola Lamont]

This is a very well written poem, flow and rhyme and so on. But the feeling behind it, very powerful.... I can really relate to it, a year ago this month, this poem could have been taken out of my own life. Beautiful write.

[O!]

told ya...20% aint that bad...it couldve been worse.....

u have written this in a perfect rhyme.

Thank you for sharing.

x
O!

[Ebby]

Ah, mon dieu, J'adore...

Yes, Jon, your revision makes the whole world of difference.

I am very well thank you.

[Natalie C]

Oh Jon, this is such a beautiful piece. It really stirred something within me! Such a heartfelt piece, I find it hard to believe that you just quickly put this together. So well thought out and it hit really close to home. Might have well been my thoughts, that you have written here.

Loved it

and i've paid up plenty
for committing no crime
thoughts still with you twenty
percent of the time

Strange you mention crime, I am actually busy with a piece about a similar topic. LOL :D I loved your last stanza; it just sums everything up so brilliantly. No love it no crime, but I think heartache should be outlawed, maybe then more people will think twice before playing with a person�s emotions!

Great piece.
Thank you for sharing!