Quicksand

When you've pulled yourself back from the brink of despair
Don't take a moment to rest yourself there
No matter how tired you are from the fight
To pull yourself out and get yourself right
You need to keep moving - to take up the strain
Find some new air that you can breathe again

To escape from the quicksand is as hard as it gets
When you're buried so deep under all your regrets
Nothing reaches your lungs, and you start to die
Cold inevitable end - seems so hard to defy
You've got to pull hard on the straws that you clutch
Drag yourself to the surface, from what matters so much

I did this myself but made a fatal mistake
Thought I'd broken the curse and I was now awake
But I sat by the pit and was still under a spell
Looked back into the sand, began to forget the hell
Dropped down my guard, slipped in up to my waist
Another hard climb now with a new bitter taste

But I'll do it again as I did it before
I won't let these things get to me anymore
And the straws that I grip are all that I'll clutch
When I'm out I'll let go - won't remember your touch
I'll walk out of the woods onto green pastures new
With a sigh and a smile I'll finally forget you.

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

This is a really good piece, Jon - you've maintained the analogy all the way through, and it reads like you've thought your image through properly; the parallels between sinking in quicksand and being dragged down in life are well-written, e.g:

"When you're buried so deep under all your regrets
Nothing reaches your lungs, and you start to die
Cold inevitable end - seems so hard to defy
You've got to pull hard on the straws that you clutch"

and

"Looked back into the sand, began to forget the hell
Dropped down my guard, slipped in up to my waist
Another hard climb now with a new bitter taste".

I'm impressed by how easily i recognised the depairs of humanity in the despairs of your narrator. Good job.

You've also done well sticking to the strict rhyme structure set for yourself, and without it growing too tedious for the reader. Occasionally, your range of expression has been limited, but this poem is still an enjoyable and entertaining read despite that.

The triumphant tone towards the end of your final stanza makes this quite an uplifting read.

Thanks for posting this.

[Kimberly]

When you've pulled yourself back from the brink of despair
Don't take a moment to rest yourself there
No matter how tired you are from the fight
To pull yourself out and get yourself right
You need to keep moving - to take up the strain
Find some new air that you can breathe again

To escape from the quicksand is as hard as it gets
When you're buried so deep under all your regrets
Nothing reaches your lungs, and you start to die
Cold inevitable end - seems so hard to defy
You've got to pull hard on the straws that you clutch
Drag yourself to the surface, from what matters so much

I did this myself but made a fatal mistake
Thought I'd broken the curse and I was now awake
But I sat by the pit and was still under a spell
Looked back into the sand, began to forget the hell
Dropped down my guard, slipped in up to my waist
Another hard climb now with a new bitter taste

But I'll do it again as I did it before
I won't let these things get to me anymore
And the straws that I grip are all that I'll clutch
When I'm out I'll let go - won't remember your touch
I'll walk out of the woods onto green pastures new
With a sigh and a smile I'll finally forget you.











Sad. Fantastic. Awesome!! This is the first time I have ever read anything you have written....I'm regretting not ever taking the time to read it before.

[Lola Lamont]

How have I never read your work before? This is a fantastic poem. I can totally relate, that struggle to just keep going on, and that desire to sigh and smile and finally forget that pain. I love how great your rhyming and rhythm are, you make it seem totally effortless, nothing forced. Another favourite.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I love the title.. it is sort of like quicksand letting someone go as they suck you back under..
I really like this spur of the moment poem well done and beautiful images..

Chloe
xoxo

[Natalie C]

Wow Joh, just loved this. Filled with vivid imagery to give this piece even a bigger impact. I think we have all been there, it is always the moving on part that is the hardest.

I love the flow of the piece, your words like the quicksand, dragging the reader deeper and deeper into your world. Just loved it.

When I'm out I'll let go - won't remember your touch
I'll walk out of the woods onto green pastures new
With a sigh and a smile I'll finally forget you.

[Tai Chi Italy]

Awww nice read Jon, it is so hard to forget someone who has such an influence on ones life. I know, been there done that and still can't forget him. I liked this lymeric style flowing piece of your common sense heart coming through, that's right, no time like the present to move forward and lifes full of little bolders, we just learn to walk around them after a while! Smiling at you, Tai