Part 1

A Chapter by OT

Animal drawings are blasphemous attempts to impersonate Allah.

So said my teacher at Najd Boys School in Riyadh, where I was an innocent l’il 3rd grader.

“All of them?” I asked

“All of them”, assured my teacher.

“Even furry animals?” I inquired

“Even furry animals,” he affirmed.

"But I like animal pictures - they make me smile."

"Shaytan's temptation."

“Well what should I do?!” I plead with resignation.

Whisper, whisper, mumble mumble.

“Really?”

"Really."

"How many points will I get?"

"In so doing you will get 200 hasanat points for heaven. Or maybe 300."

"Can I get 400 points?"

"It is not for you to decide! For sure no less than 100. Most likely 200."

"And what happens if I don't?"

Whisper, whisper, mumble mumble.

“Really?”

"Really."

And so I went home and unloaded onto my bedroom floor a precious collection of my favourite comic books. In my left hand was a red marker.

I held it like a dagger.

Sorry Garfield. Sorry John Arbuckle. Nermal. Odie. With single marker strokes below their heads, I began decapitating each of them. Page by page, neck by neck.

If I didn't, they’d turn into Ginnees on Yom Al Qiyamma and come after me and EAT ME.

Ten Pages in, thirty Garfields sliced. Thirty multiplied by 200 hasanat points gives me a total of, um, ummm, I don't know maybe three hundred million points? I began counting to three hundred million on my fingers to check my math. But simultaneously a lump was culminating in my throat. My eyes began to swell up. Sniffles filled my nostrils. Quivers struck my lips, and tears began tumbling down my cheeks.

"Garfield, you're my friend! Forgive me!" But how - there are endless Garfields left to slaughter, I'm barely through ten pages on book Number 1! "Allah I beg you to spare me from further sacrifice!"

Then it HIT me! �" I never drew any Garfields in my life! The Ginnies won’t eat me come judgment day, because they’ll be busy eating somebody else! YEEEAAAHHH!

I put away the red marker and saved the rest of my comics, which I read through the night while laughing out in hysterics. Then bed time arrived, and I jumped into the sheets with my last comic snuggled in my arms, closed my eyes - giddy smile and all - and prepared to go to sleep.

I did have one thought, though.

Jon Davis man, …you are so fucked.