Zombie

This is a very short story about how small town USA could feel to some, especially the young ones (IMHO). Also the very first thing I've written.

After years of tumbling around we have landed here, a town full of lost souls. A town that time forgot. A town that just stands still. This is a place that swallows you in. There is no way out. Population, less then 3K.

Those who've been here walk around like Zombies. Faces empty of emotions. When we moved in when my youngest one was only of age 1. My spouse went off to work afar. I was left alone with just my little one to take care of the land. Hard times they were. Work was hard, the land was dry. Nothing would grow. Others followed after us. Some joined the towns guardians & since I speak of more than one tongue, I saw of no other choice but to join them also. I help them understand what those who can't speak the native tongue are saying. I befriended one of the newcomers. One that joined the towns guards. But now he too has become a Zombie. So, So sad... Population now is of barely 4K. But it's still sad to see their once bright & happy faces turn to stone. Now, they too have joined us in our dead spirited walk.

When I walk with the empy faces I sometimes look over my shoulder hoping to se  a hand. The hand that reaches to take me & pull me away. Take me to safety. Away from this place. But until then, I'll always wonder... Will I grow old & die in this motionlesss, faceless place, an old soul? Or will that hand reach out to me someday?

Reviews

[Marianna Venodecci]

It's sad, yet hopeful. A good start to your writing career. :) It says so much, with so little words. With more practice and work, you'd make a good short story author, because they always seem to be the craftiest. They have to fit so much into so little space. At first, it was hard to tell the setting, but after a few more descriptions and delving further into the speaker's voice, I was able to figure it out. I really like this line: "I help them understand what those who can't speak the native tongue are saying." I don't know why, but the structure of the sentence flows nicely. I also want to comment on the depth of the Zombie image, because I can picture how everyone could sort of be in this state of sadness or depression, even, where work is hard, land is dry, everyone is struggling to feed their families, and they just walk around kind of dead and mindless. That was a good image and in just that one word, vivid enough to open up greater understanding of the times. This was a really nice piece - good job. :)

[Mystery Girl]

interesting, piece!