Force to Chocolate

The chocolate mirror gaze on the chocolate cake reflected the twisted face of Valerie. She let the pink sprinkle medley slide off one hand while the other hand pinched her nose tight. 

“I have certainly never seen anyone hate chocolate like you, Val.” Suzan frowned at Valerie’s posture.

“Mom, a little respect?” Valerie gave her a stare and threw a handful of glitter onto the cake. “I never laugh at your fear of birds.”

“Because it’s a real thing.” Suzan poured chocolate mirror gaze onto another piece of cake.

Valerie retched and looked away. “Can I go now?”

“Fine. But be down for dinner in two hours.” Suzan sighed.

Valerie was never a dessert girl. Sweet things made her think of ants and cockroaches. When she was seven, she came to the kitchen for water one night. The cake on the counter seemed to be moving and staying on the spot at the same time. She grabbed a stool and reached for a mug. When the light flickered on, the answer was revealed to be dozens of cockroaches squirming around on the three-layer cake. 

Chocolate was the worst of all. Its smell had the power of making her nauseous. Its dark color reminded her of all kinds of disgusting and mysterious goo and liquid in horror films. Her mom was a baker, and her little brother loved horror films. Valerie was doomed to suffer. It was also hard to avoid chocolate. It could be a flavor to all desserts. It could be a drink and a flavor to beverages. It could be a scent. It could even be cooked into savory dishes. Chocolate roast chicken, what a nightmare! Valerie thought as she walked past that “creative restaurant.”

***

“Nobody can convince you to try even a teenie bite of chocolate?” Janet asked.

“Nope.” Valerie hopped on a wobbly ground tile.

Two girls talked about their classes of the day, possible lunch options, and which club to join. Amid similar conversations before the classroom door, Valerie’s ears picked up a beautiful voice. This voice was bright and warm with a clear pronunciation delivery. It sounded like Valerie’s celebrity crush, Anne Hathaway. She turned to search for the voice. Under the sheet of winter sunshine by the railing was a girl with adorable silver glasses and light rouge on her cheeks. There was a pound on Valerie’s heart.

“Who’s that?” Valerie whispered in Janet’s ear even though the voices around them could well cover their conversation.

“Who?” Janet looked around.

“Stop that! The girl standing by the railing, with glasses. Don’t be so obvious!” 

Valerie’s instructions did not tone down Janet’s movements. She stood on her toes to see the girl Valerie was talking about and got spotted by the girl. The girl smiled at them before turning back to her friends.

“Oh my god, Janet!” Valerie covered the bursting red on her face with her hands.

“It’s fine. What’s wrong with you, Val?” Janet laughed at Valerie’s abnormality. “She’s the new girl in Class B.”

***

“Hey, J, does it have to be chocolate on Valentine’s Day?” Valerie drew another chipmunk wearing glasses in her notebook.

“What’s with these chipmunks lately and this question…” Janet’s eyes widened.

Valerie blocked Janet’s loud noises with her hands. Janet shook Valerie’s shoulders so hard that Valerie’s hands loosened and begged her to stop. 

“Are these chipmunks the new girl?” Janet finally calmed down.

Valerie sighed and nodded.

Janet made another weird sound. It was like the screaming chicken toy. “Yes! Chocolate is tradition, girl! Chocolate is the message.”

The embarrassing blush from admitting her heart’s desire left Valerie’s face in an instant.

  Janet did not notice the shift in emotions. “You have to give her a pack of the most unique chocolate possible so that she understands your feelings.”

How am I supposed to tell her how I feel on the most romantic day when the rule involves the thing that I hate the most? But she’s so special! She deserves this romantic gesture on this special day. Valerie began picking the skin around her fingernails.

“Hey, hey, hey, stop.” Janet woke up from her over-the-top joy for her friend and grabbed Valerie’s hands. “You see chocolate all the time at your mom’s bakery, right? It’s going to be fine. You just give her the chocolate. It’s not like you have to eat it.”

“Right, right.” Valerie took a deep breath. Janet was right.

She did not have to eat the filthy thing. She probably would not need to touch it. She could ask for extra wrapping layers. Thinking about chocolate made her stomach turn and goosebumps crawled up her arms. Janet was right, but Valerie had a bad feeling.

***

The fear of chocolate and nervousness of telling the new girl she liked her pulled Valentine’s Day in front of Valerie’s face faster than the arrival of midterms and finals. As if God could sense Valerie’s uneasiness, the sky poured rain down since morning. Everywhere Valerie looked was the endless gray of the sky and the chains of rain blocking the trees. The pack of Valentine’s Day chocolate slid back and forth in Valerie’s bag, bumping her textbooks and pencil case.

“Valerie? You wanted to see me?” The new girl got the note about meeting in the art classroom.

“Yep, that’s me. Hi, Anna.” The awkwardness in Valerie’s smile could freeze a cat into a statue.

Anna’s hair had grown a little longer. It glowed even under the weakest sunlight on a rainy winter day.

“I want to give you this. Happy Valentine's Day.” Another second of holding back the chocolate and her feelings might crack Valerie’s tensed face.

“And why would you give me chocolate on Valentine's Day, Valerie?” Anna asked, smiling with a soft hint of blush.

Easy, Valerie Deng. Just a simple sentence consisting of three simple words. As long as I put the right word there. “Like,” not love. I’ll be fine. Worst case scenario is Anna turning down my proposal of becoming a couple. That’s it. No big deal.

Anna opened the elaborately wrapped box while Valerie almost drowned in thoughts. Light pink and coral blue ribbons scattered across the table that was tinted with colorful fireworks from previous classes. She popped one chocolate into her mouth and raised her left eyebrow at Valerie. The scent of chocolate burned Valerie’s eyes. She covered her nose and mouth with her hands in both disgust and embarrassment.

Will I actually be alright when she turns me down? I’ve never done this before! Is a heartbreak going to kill me? I know I don’t know her well enough to ask her this question and don’t have the right to expect so much. But every moment I saw her in the hallway was killing me, knowing I hadn’t tried this. Oh my god… What if I’m putting a burden on her?

“Hello?” Anna moved her fingers like playing a piano in front of Valerie’s face. The distance was so small that Valerie could smell the chocolate grease on her fingers.

“Sorry.” Valerie squeezed out an apology with all her strength. She turned her head to take a big gulp of air and looked Anna in the eyes. “I like you, Anna.”

Anna put down the second piece of chocolate between her fingers.

“Romantically.” Valerie looked down at her hands. Her fingers twisted into a ball of worms. “I know we haven’t talked much, but I hope you can give me a chance. I’m sorry, no pressure. You can totally just say no, and I’ll be gone in a second…”

“Okay,” Anna said, taking over the train wreck Valerie could not shut up about.

“What?” Valerie jumped in disbelief. Perhaps I’m still in bed? It’s only six twenty?

Anna giggled. It was like a small Christmas bell and a baby deer jumping up and down. “I like you, too, Valerie. We can try to become a couple.”

It was as if Anna lit up the room. The colors on the table and on the shelves all brightened up. Her warm and confident smile also chased away the humid and moldy air in the room.

“Thank you for the chocolate, Valerie. It’s delicious.” Anna picked up the box, swept the ribbons to the ground, and moved a bit closer to Valerie. “First thing about me is that I love chocolate.”

Valerie only heard the first half of Anna’s speech. “I’m glad you like it.” She could not move her eyes away from Anna’s shiny hazel eyes and dewy lips.

Anna bit into another piece. “What about you? First thing about you?”

First thing about me, I hate chocolate. S**t, did she say that she loves chocolate? Valerie gasped and woke up from obsessing over Anna’s appearance. “Um… I love reading novels.” She searched in Anna’s expression for any sign that she might notice the trembling in her voice.

“Do you want one?” Anna did not continue the conversation of getting to know each other better.

Valerie’s worst nightmare had finally come. It hurt more when there was something wonderful occurred before, and the sweetness from the wonder stripped away one’s defense. I should have started out as her friend or asked around things about her before this stupid glamorous plan.

“Valerie? You can’t eat chocolate? Or do you not like it?” Anna frowned as Suzan had.

“No! It’s not like that…” Before she could think of the next step, the eagerness to hold on to Anna took over Valerie’s mouth.

“Okay… Do you want the plain one or the strawberry one? I think the strawberry one’s really good.” Anna looked at the pieces of chocolate as if they were gems glowing on her lap. “Come on, you’ll love it. Let’s push the weight thing to tomorrow.”

Anna’s smile was so beautiful. Valerie took the one piece of chocolate Anna handed her. Oh, what the hell. I’ll tell her my thing with chocolate later. She pushed down her urge to show any sign of her hate for chocolate on her face, chewed the piece as fast as she could, and swallowed the whole thing while trying to hold back her nausea.

“Oh! It’s sweeter than... Do you have water with you?” One hand of Valerie’s covered her mouth as people would do when they did not want others to see their lips stained by food. The other hand of hers pinched the outer side of her thigh and where Anna could not see.

“Yeah, I think so. It’s okay to not like it, Valerie.” Anna turned to her backpack on the floor.

Valerie could recognize the disappointment in Anna’s voice. It was like coming out of the exact mold Suzan built when she first saw Valerie push away a plate of chocolate cake. “I like it! It’s just, this flavor is a bit too sweet for me.” She squeezed out a smile and welcomed big gulps of water down her throat, hoping they would wash away the taste of chocolate for her.

“I guess I just never met anyone who doesn’t like chocolate. I never pictured my boyfriend or girlfriend not enjoying chocolate with me.” Anna wiped the leftover chocolate on her fingers with a tissue.

Valerie opened her mouth to tell Anna that she loved chocolate and that she would take another piece in plain flavor, but no sound came out. Anna’s voice drifted further away and blurrier. It was as if Anna was talking to her on the surface of the ocean, and she was sinking deeper into the darkness. Bursts of burning heat and stings spread on her skin. A firm grip took her heart. Anna was shaking her, but she could no longer see the hazel eyes and silver glasses.

The rest of the chocolate in the box crashed to the ground and rolled under the tables. They would then melt and mold there with clouds of dust.