In an instant

As I collected myself I felt the pit of shame that was swirling around my stomach. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and gripped the basin of the sink. Deep breathes where snorting through my nose. I turned round my back now facing the mirror and closed my eyes. The breaths slowly got shorter and my heart stopped wanting to rip it's self out of my chest. I grabbed my purse and opened the door to the bathroom. Silence rang through the house. As I slipped into my bedroom I breathed a sigh of relief as I heard the snap of the door. I got into my most comfortable sweats and slid into bed the soft feather pillow soon put the last 6 hours into a comfortable blur.

6 HOURS EARLIER...........

It was an unusually hot spring day and to top off the joy it was a bank holiday weekend 4 whole days off work. She felt like letting go and having some well earned fun. She'd go out with her girlfriends, dinner, wine and merry fun. The anticipation was gut wrenching. She put on her favourite pair of jeans and a floaty top she was saving for her summer holiday in Greece. As she completed her look she rung round her friends and was to meet them at Loco's a bar 2 blocks from her house. As she took in her surroundings she let her legs out and gave a little skip. She was greeted with a cheer from her friends at the bar, cocktails where ordered and dinner came and went in a favourable blur. Soon it was coming up to midnight and tipsy on her feet she decides to call it a night. Not before organising a picnic in the park for the next day to soothe the hangovers. 

It was only 20 minutes away from her house so she decided to walk home. She put on her personal stereo and happily hummed along. Just as she was to walk up the steps to her house she heard a noise. Taking no notice, she felt happy in this area for the last 2 years she felt she wasn't going to fear the area in that last 30 seconds. 

Unfortunately for her if she'd just had her wits in that last half minute it would have changed her life for the better that has to be decided.

It felt like a thud in the distance when she was hit over the head cold trickled over her and the rest of what she felt was a blur.

As she came round she realised she was in the alley way right next to her house. She opened her eyes and pain tore through the back of her head, she touched it luckily it wasn't bleeding but the lump would be sore tomorrow. 

As she took it all in albeit a lot slower than she would have done sober. She noticed a man or at least she thought it was the back was hunched over her bag and could only see the back. She regained herself and stiffly tried to get herself up. 

The mugger torn round and saw what was happening he threw the rest of her bag to the floor. You have f**k all on you where do you live b***h I'll take you with me and tear the place apart! She stayed silent and didn't want him to get more aggravated. He came over to her and shook her and repeated. She knew there was no point in screaming statistically she knew people would be too scared to come and help her in her plight. I live no where near here and I have nothing of value! We will see about that! He looked her up and down and leered. Uncomfortable she threw up after she stopped coughing her senses where coming back. I don't want to become a victim She thought. As he went to push her up against the wall she picked up a bottle from the floor, probably the same one she was hit with and stabbed it into his gut as if her life depended on it. 

She will never forget the look on his face, his eyes bulging in shock, the blood slowly coming through his teeth. She didn't let go of the bottle as he fell to the floor she fell with him.

She pulled her arm from out underneath him she scrambled to her feet and looked down on her attacker it could have been her and she felt the shame wash over her she was sure she had killed him.

12 HOURS LATER....

As she woke and walked into her bathroom to brush her teeth she looked down at her hands. She hadn't washed from the night before exhausted she had changed but she had not showered. Brown stains of blood where looking back at her mocking her to recollect the memories from the night before. It was like tuning in a radio the fuzz began to tune itself in. She vomited into the basin and ran to the shower. Scrubbing herself cleaning she got into her soft bathrobe. She began to realise the enormity of her actions and wondered if the body was still in the ally way opposite or had the police come to scrape the body off the pavement. It dawned on her that it was her word against his and physically she only now had a small bump at the back of her head. 

The knock on her door shook her out of her reverie. The police have arrived and informed her of the dead body that was currently in the ally next to her house. She took a deep breath, forensics these days will have her thrown in jail in the next 24 hours if she doesn't confess it'll make her even guiltier than she already was if she decided to lie. She offered coffee to the officer and told him to sit down.

It was the longest two hours of her life as she described the events leading up until now. She was told to get dressed and as to be escorted to the nearest police station. 

The events leading up to the next 2 years will change her life forever. Unfortunately she was charged with manslaughter as she had gone straight home and ignored the crime the judge said she was lucky she wasn't to be charged with murder. 12 years, 12 long years she was to be incarcerated because she fought back from her attacker. 

As she sat in her cell writing letters to her family, not that any one her come to visit her it dawned on her suddenly what she was to do.

She didn't understand the system and felt unjust that she had suffered this way. Life always throws you curve balls as she remembered that pearl of wisdom her father imparted on her when she was a 17 year old girl. Well it certainly does as she smiled to herself she knew what she was to do it was the perfect answer.

The rope was in place, she fondled the whole length before she tied the noose. Prison she just couldn't cope with the injustice roared in her stomach as she stood on the chair. She tied the noose round her neck. Her last fantasy was for some one to come bursting through the door and declare it all had been a mistake and that she was going home. Home and back to what she thought wasn't the worst life in the world. Back at home drinking hot chocolate and gossiping on the phone. It was the life she once had if she had just gone back and reacted differently in those thirty seconds before she was attacked what direction her life would be going in now?

Reviews

[Stu Edmond]

Well thoughtout and written. I could feel the fear and pain the girl was going through, the sense of hopelessness and loss as she came to grasp the enormity of the situation she found herself in.