Never Escape These White Walls (or "O.D" Just Doesn't Cut It)

A pseudo-nightmare I had a while back. While wide awake.

    He stumbles into Emergency with his brother's arms around his shoulders. Collapases on the floor, empties his guts all over the pretty pretty white tiles while someone (could be his brother again) talks to the doctor or nurse or whoever the f**k those slippered feet belong to. He blinks hot tears down his cheeks, unashamed, unaware, and barely notices when he's yanked up into a wheelchair, except for how his brain retches with the movement.

 

     There's an eternity of brightly-lit corridor punctuated only by the nurse's heavy footsteps, heavy breathing, and oh, he's getting motion sickness just staring at those green doors stream past and he's just about ready to throw up again when they stop and he's manhandled onto a bed. Stretched out, sleeve pushed up, a needle pushed through his skin before he can even blink. He screams, in pain but mostly terror, because god, oh god, needles and his brother's there again, the angel that he is, materialising beside him and stroking his hair gently. Someone asks a lot of questions in a language that he should understand but doesn't and then it's back on the wheelchair, back out into those endless white tunnels.

 

     He has another moment of mindless fear when one door opens and there is only darkness beyond, a tiny spot of light on the nurses' desk at the very end of this nightmare and he almost screams again... but by then they're inside that spot of light and there's a woman helpng him into another bed and he struggles weakly against the pain and nausea and exhaustion, because he knows what will happen if he closes his eyes, knows the horrifying things they may do if he can't stop them, blood and scalpels and organs and more blood appearing in his mind's eye.

 

     He catches sight of the catheter stuck in his arm, his blood turning the tube red for a second before the tap is turned, and he vomits again, all over the sheets, before blacking out against his will.

 

     The backing soundtrack to his dreams is that of the monitor by his side.

 

 

     Beep. Beep. Beeeeep.

 

Author's Note

Sentences too long? Too many words in italics? Just plain lousy writing? Drop me a hint :)

Reviews

[Abba]

I really like this story. It captures the feeling and situation perfectly, and the ending is perfect. I like the word choice, and the character's thoughts are structured really well. And I like the words in italics. They add more emphasis to the story and they're placed perfectly. Overall, great job! :)

[Mr. Misanthrope]

I must say that this piece of writing...choked me. Apart from my phobias of hospitals, needles, etc, I'm sure I would've found this story as chlostrophobic, in a good way, had these characteristics been absent.

So what if the sentences are too long? (They aren't) Who cares if there are too many words in italics? (There aren't) It's your writing, and if that makes you happy, then that's all that counts. As long as you felt something from it and learned from it.

Good job! Looking forward to seeing more of your work. :)

Luke

[Lynx]

Yeah, I think the sentences are too long, xD. It makes the writing really really rushed, as if you couldn't wait to be rid of it. There aren't enough stops or pauses to make it convincing.

I like the whole idea, though I would have liked more description on what exactly is he feeling. I mean is he just nauseous, does he have a migraine, etc?

[Paige Sperry]

A very captivating story. You got my attention right away with the brisk beginning and didn't lose it until the story had ended. Upon the end I found myself wondering what had happened that landed him in the hospital in the first place and eventually led to his death, that is until I thought to read the title (O.D.). I did not feel that there was too much in italics, they did not seem over or under used. The sentences seem just fine and this was far from a lousy story by any means. A little confusing perhaps but far from lousy or anything of that sort.
I rather enjoyed reading this,
Paige