I'm smiling. For some weird reason it's not the most appropriate thing do be doing after reading this poem (song?) of yours. I can see the spiritual side to this (in fact, this is probably one of the most spiritual poems I've read on here, if that's how I wanna read it... filter your words), and I can see the substances ( reality,whatever that is.. different for everyone, reason... the worst drugs people are addicted to in this world, the scariest ones to be tripping on too) speaking as well, or a very restless mind.
I like how chirpy you made it in a way (the tempo, rhythm... chirpy or aggressive, don't really know, I'm so indecisive), and how "dark" (fyi.. .hate the word dark, how about just humane) it is at the same time... humanely raw, and how out of place that emotion is after reading into the actual words, the whole work is like a happy tear, if that makes any sense.. or an unhappy smile. How about that.
This was excellent. Your poems always surprise me every time I read them. I wish I had your talent for this stuff. I really hope you come back and start writing more stuff for us.
This so poem sounds so cheerful when really it is not.
I like the way you wrote MalFUnCtioning. It sort of adds to the craziness of the poem.
To be honest, this poem scared me a little. :D
I love it though.
Well written.
xx
i liked the onomatopoeias you used in your poem, well written. Their was such ease and quickness in your thought that it creates a beautiful flow. i especially was lured in in the second half, i liked when you put your whole hearted emotion into it.
I break down
Tears melt personality
Pain reminds me of fear
I guess I cant express
My immortality - I'm in love with those lines.
Clear from this read you've got a really distinct style, this is intelligent, your voice is allowed to speak so much you get right into the readers face and sort of chatter, it's gripping, kept me reading. Really good write.
I'm smiling. For some weird reason it's not the most appropriate thing do be doing after reading this poem (song?) of yours. I can see the spiritual side to this (in fact, this is probably one of the most spiritual poems I've read on here, if that's how I wanna read it... filter your words), and I can see the substances ( reality,whatever that is.. different for everyone, reason... the worst drugs people are addicted to in this world, the scariest ones to be tripping on too) speaking as well, or a very restless mind.
I like how chirpy you made it in a way (the tempo, rhythm... chirpy or aggressive, don't really know, I'm so indecisive), and how "dark" (fyi.. .hate the word dark, how about just humane) it is at the same time... humanely raw, and how out of place that emotion is after reading into the actual words, the whole work is like a happy tear, if that makes any sense.. or an unhappy smile. How about that.
boom boom boom
la la la la la
hey you!
yeah you!
Im pointing at you now...
... i guess some part of me is always gonna be pointing at you...or the other person thats reading this...until of cours.. more..